That Was $45B Well Spent by the Feds

Bread and Circuses for a Bailed-out Bank

Sharpshooting corporate excess might be a intellectually lazy endeavor, but it should piss you the fuck off if they got bailed out! ABC has the dirt on Bank of America, who received $45B in bailout funds, but decided to spend an obscene amount on some meathead monument at the Super Bowl:

The bank refused to tell ABC News how much it is spending as an NFL corporate sponsor, but insiders have put the figure at close to $10 million. The NFL Experience was on top of that and was inked last summer, according to the bank.

The NFL said it was a "multi-million dollar" event and that it was also spending money to put on the event. A Super Bowl insider said the tents alone cost over $800,000.

No surprise considering most of the bailout money was unaccountable in the first place. Does anyone still think Bush's TARP scam was a good idea?

Americans Pissed Off Now More Than Ever

The economic malaise has everything to do with dissatisfaction

Despite high approval for the new president, Americans are incredibly "dissatisfied" due to the economic funk we are currently experiencing. This goes to show that the axiom "It's the Economy Stupid" holds true in the modern age, and that even a guy as likable as The Obama can't assuage the colossal bag of dicks that our economy has become. Here's a snap shot of the past 15+ years from Gallup that coincides with economic perception:

There's also graphs that go all the way to the 70s, and the malaise even bottoms out further than when disco reigned and Carter was in office. You can probably attribute the American satisfaction-meter being high during the tech bubble burst of 2000-2001 because of post-9/11 patriotism. That and seeing the wedgie-deserving nerds who started crummy websites like pets.com fail probably brought a smile to many people's faces.

Journalist Dreams Up Murder Fantasy for Punxsutawney Phil

And you thought Groundhog Day was just a fun-spirited movie and a metaphor for an Iraq deployment. This journalist from Michigan is dead serious about offing Punxsutawney Phil because it's too depressing to hear that winter is going to drag on. From The Flint Journal:

But something about that damned gopher (groundhog, mole, whatever) in Punxsutawney, Pa., makes me think dark, murderous thoughts.

Why is a rodent allowed to make me wonder, even for a moment, if winter really is going to last six more blasted weeks? I know he's just a mole (gopher, groundhog, whatever) but still the little furball gets in my head when he doesn't predict an early spring, and I don't like it.

Groundhog-Human relations have already been strained this year as the NYC mayor got bit today, and further economic collapse might make groundhogs a possible addition to beef stew for struggling families.

Sarah Palin: Welfare Queen

For a political party seeking to re-brand itself as one of fiscal responsibility, Sarah Palin is fast becoming a serious embarrassment. She must have taken a page from the Nadya Suleman playbook (the crazy woman who juiced herself up with fertility drugs to crank 8 little tax burdens in California), because she traveled to DC this weekend to grovel at the feet of The Obama to get in on the stimulus pie. Jazz Shaw at The Moderate Voice weighs in:

As Mayor of Wasilla, Palin quickly mastered the art of working the spigot on federal funds, allowing cash to flow into her town. As Governor she wasted no time in setting records, making Alaska the highest per capita feeder at the federal pork trough. She seemed to undergo an amazing reformation during her vice presidential bid into some sort of mavickery pork buster, but now that she is - at least temporarily - out of the national races, it’s probably not surprising that she’s back in town with her hand out.

There's also a strange backstory to the governor everyone loves to criticize, as Ken Layne already notes. She blew off the Republican leadership for something called the Alfalfa Dinner that was hosted by Obama. It's some Southern society wingding to honor Robert E. Lee, who led a bunch of rabblerousers 150+ years ago but was squashed by the glorious Army of the republic. Why the President would continue this odd tradition is beyond me, but the irony was not lost on him:

"Many you are aware that this dinner began almost one hundred years ago as a way to celebrate the birthday of General Robert E. Lee. If he were here with us tonight, the general would be 202 years old. And very confused,” Obama said.

Alaska is already the porkiest state in the union, so the pride Palin takes in being the head of a "fiercely independent state" makes for easy scrutiny. Other governors are jumping on the bandwagon to fleece the federal taxpayers for more loot, and you can expect others to follow suit. Politicians tend to stay in power by providing freebies to their constituents so that voters come to depend on government largesse and become afraid to vote the bums out of office. You'd think there would be more hesitancy in a time of massive budget deficits to slow down this sort of corrupt behavior, but it appears to be ramping up.

Presenting the Signature Series

Is your Fuck You, Penguin shirt lonely? Or perhaps you hate penguins so much that you couldn't bear to wear them on your shirt... Fear not, for here are the first two shirts in the Fuck You, Penguin Signature Series. Each design has been hand-crafted with the same care, love, and thoughtfulness that goes into each post at Fuck You, Penguin only, unlike the posts, it actually was. In a hundred years, when the penguins have taken over the world and we are all slaves, these shirts will fuel the underground, and will therefore be serious collector's items (think books in Fahrenheit 451, only you won't have to write a book report about it).

In honor of the Pulizter Prize-winning Puffin exposé Puffin hoax revealed!, we have the dainty but firm "Puffin My Ass" shirt:

(Also available in blue, pink, and different styles here.)

And for those of you who like to sit and contemplate your clothing, I give you a shirt inspired by the Nobell Prize for Literature-winning haiku from The red-crowned crane is a straight con, the "Zen Crane" shirt:

I hope when you pass these shirts down to your great-grandchildren, they make them as happy as they undoubtedly make you right now. Unless your great-grandchildren turn out to be dicks, in which case I suggest you burn these on your death bed.

Goya Cinema Awards 2009

Penelope Cruz wore a beautiful vintage laced Chanel dress.

Penelope Cruz's sister Monica Cruz opted for a more sexier black embellished Roberto Cavalli dress.

TV host Mar Saura is letting me have it in one of my favourite Versace dresses! This blush dress fits every curve on her body. I love Latino women because they will never bore you on the red carpet. They know how to wow the audience!

Paz Vega looks absolutely divine in this pale pink ruffled dress.

I am really surprise actress Olivia Molina wore this white embellished Azzaro dress when Anne Hathaway just wore it two week ago to the Sag awards. She could have at least wore a different color.

Actress Belen Rueda looks wonderful in this white ruffled encrusted Carolina Herrera dress. I just wished it didn't have the embellished bows on the sides.

Dafne Fernandez black liquid dress is beyond fantastic!


Rossana Pastor black textured mermaid Carolina Herrera dress is pure perfection!


Goya Toledo gold draped Christian Dior dress is giving me drama!

Cinema Academy President Angeles Gonzalez looks gorgeous in this magenta and black striped dress.

I can't express how I love to see vibrant colors on the red carpet enough. Malena Alterio's purple satin dress is beyond delicious!

Don't listen to groundhogs

I know your secret, Groundhog. You've had a free ride for way too long. Newsbreak: Groundhogs do not know how to predict the weather. It was inevitable that people would start to catch on, since you have to switch it up every now and then to keep people guessing, but every year the spring continues to arrive at the same time. You've only been able to last this long because of the teeth, Groundhog, those damn teeth, taunting me with their prominence. But those teeth cannot save you for long, because if you don't put them away, I am definitely going to see my shadow. And then it's going to be a long, cold winter for you, Groundhog. And it's going to last you the rest of your life.