Closing Time Funnies

In regards to my post about the lottery earlier today and how it's exploitative of the poor and ignorant, well it turns out the guy who won the Mega-millions in Michigan is a registered sex offender.

Looking at Mr. Topous, it's not really a surprise.

The U.S. Military, Way Cooler Than Xenu

The recent Gallup data on the military has us clocked in at a whopping 71% approval rating (h/t Instapundit). Organized religion is at 48%, and all of Congress must be modeling themselves after Ron Paul, since they're in at a lousy 12% (they even lost to those diabolical HMOs at 13%). Not bad, but it indicates the American public isn't reading enough of this blog to get angry at my crass shenanigans. Time to try more outreach.

Female Approval of the Military Is Another Matter

The WA Governor and Her Dumb Priorities - No More Candy On Lotto Tix

Despite the fact that the issue of the Alaskan Way Viaduct remains a big freakin' question mark (a 1950s freeway in Seattle that is probably going to collapse next time an old lady in a Cadillac drives down it), Gov. Gregoire has decided to focus her attention onto more pressing issues... lottery tickets. From Today's Seattle Times:

Gov. Christine Gregoire's office on Thursday asked the lottery to pull the game, which features tickets that look like labels for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Jolly Rancher and other candies, after investigating a concern that it could be perceived as a game for kids. Lottery Director Christopher Liu asked the state's 3,900 scratch-ticket retailers to remove the game, but it may take a few weeks for the game to disappear from shelves and vending machines, said Jacque Coe, spokeswoman for the lottery.

It is common knowledge that the state-run lottery is an abominable racket, designed to prey on the poor and ignorant to fund a bunch of hokey government programs. The odds are so egregiously against the rubes who choose to partake in this scam, that it would make a bookie named "Tiny" from Jersey begin to question the ethics of gambling. Gov. Gregoire is just tossing this red herring issue out to the local press to express her liberal "compassion" in making sure kids don't get fat and greedy when they see Mom and Dad throwing down their rent check on these ridiculous tickets. The Governor has no plans of actually getting rid of the program, as she just tapped the lotto money fund to spend $700K on god knows what in Tacoma. Like most politicians, she's very big on the rhetoric of "compassion" for kids, baby seals, or trees or whatever, but can't stop feeding her ravenous addiction to the almighty dollar.

The Scourge of The Evergreen State: Lotto Tickets That Make You Fat

Get Your Ass To Mars

NASA photos from the Phoenix Mars Lander

It had long been suspected that ice existed on Mars, but the Phoenix Mars Lander offers proof that there is H20 on Mars, which sublimed from its solid state (ice) to a gaseous state (water vapor) in the footprint of the Phoenix Mars Lander. The Arizona Daily Star has details, pretty cool stuff.

Of course, this opens up a flood of philosophical and cultural questions for our currently earth-bound civilization. Will humans come back from Mars being super-intelligent from coexisting with the Martians ala Stranger in a Strange Land. Will ice become the most valued commodity in the galaxy ala Ice Pirates (which I thought was undeserving of a lowly 11 at Rotten Tomatoes when Jingle All the Way got an 18)? Or will it become a battleground between an evil corporation against Kuato and his band of rebels ala Total Recall? I for one plan on moving to the Red Planet as soon as sustainable living conditions are developed and the first casino opens in order to get off this lousy rock of authoritarianism. I just hope the immigration procedures aren't as harsh as this:

Best Reasons To Join The Navy

Yvan Eht Nioj, you jokels. Here's why:



This is similar to the video the recruiter showed me, but, of course, the IA program hadn't been developed back in 2002. Damn you Mr. Recruiter, you just made the list.

(h/t Sisu)

Iraq News (21 June)

The Good: Did you know that Baghdad was one of the most multicultural, cosmopolitan cities in the world until those thugs on horseback, The Mongols, destroyed it in the 13th century? You didn't! Well, now Iraqis are becoming more free to embrace their liberal outlook on the world as reported by Newsweek with liquor stores, barbers free to operate without intimidation from the militia, and a guy who likes Snoop Dogg. A "sticky" IED factory (bombs that gets attached to unsuspecting civilian cars) has been seized in Maysan. Stars and Stripes talks about the COIN efforts having huge dividends in small Iraqi villages. Oil production in Iraq has stabilized at 2.5M barrels a day, which is a post-invasion record. The Iraqi Oil Ministry wants exports to go all the way to 4M barrels a day. U.S. forces have detained 25 suspected Al-Qaeda in Iraq members during weekend operations throughout the country. Live Leak has footage of a JDAM drop on a Mahdi Army hideout in Sadr City (go to ~1:30 for the boom).

The Bad: One of our troops has been killed by an IED in Diyala province. The article also has information on anti-U.S. protests after Friday prayers because of the Status of Forces Agreement, which is still in discussion. Dr. Rubaie says the Iraqi government knows the location of the 5 kidnapped British hostages, who were abducted at the Ministry of Finance in May 2007. Hmm... I dunno, this dude is a bit of a shady character. Is it right to lead these people's families on? Also, I thought those kidnapped were in Iran. A Sadrist lawmaker has criticized Iraqi operations in Maysan province against militia elements (this comes as no surprise).

The Ugly: Iraq's reservoirs and the Tigris and Euphrates are at record-low levels according to Azzaman. This is definitely poor for agriculture, and considering Mosul Dam provides a good chunk of the electricity in Iraq (which is already in terrible shape), that's going to make things worse as temperatures climb to 120F for the inferno-like Iraqi summer. NY Times has a montage of photos after recent operations in Basra, Sadr City, and Mosul, which highlights security improvements, but still shows overwhelming poverty. Whistleblower from KBR talks about how the mega-contractor ignored cancer-causing chemicals at a water treatment plant in Basra.

Baghdad Liquor Sto' (photo from Newsweek)

Big Pimpin, Bling Blingin' And Shit

Just got my sweetass economic stimulus check in the mail, and to keep America out of an impending recession, I plan on purchasing a diamond-studded grill from Mr Bling.com, a Dick Trickle's model racing car, and possibly some J-pron over the weekend. Oh wait, Keynesian economics doesn't work. Maybe I should spend it on the Crazy Lou for Prez fund, since he wants to impeach Bush because of Salmonella. That guy knows what's up and could be the last hope for America.