Hillary Dreams Up Assassination Scenario for Obama

Hillary's schemes to weasel her way into the White House are growing more Machiavellian and crazy by the day. Just yesterday, she announced that she is still carrying on with her failed campaign because Obama might get knocked off, RFK-style! The NY Post reports (h/t Reason):

Hillary Clinton today brought up the assassination of Sen. Robert Kennedy while defending her decision to stay in the race against Barack Obama. “My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don't understand it," she said, dismissing calls to drop out.

Hillary, I don't understand it either. Why can't America have a civilized election instead of these Banana Republic scenarios where everyone's political rivals are getting schwacked on a routine basis. While this blog frequently criticizes Obama and his kool aid-drinking followers, I certainly don't wish the poor guy dead. First, it was Huckabee (who was at least making a bad joke at an NRA speech) and now this latest bombshell from the Hillster. Apparently, Hillary will stop at nothing in her grandiose quest for power and influence, and I'm sure she's praying hard for that lone nut at the DNC to show up guns ablazin' come convention time.

Creepy!

The Libertarian Party, Not Just For Weirdos Anymore

I'm not sure if it was the whole rEVOLution thing, or just the fact that both the Democrats and Republicans equally suck, but the Libertarian Party appears to be getting some real attention this election cycle, especially Bob Barr. Lucky for me, I have someone near and dear to me at the Libertarian Convention in Denver, my mother (I'm actually serious about this). Best to ask her some questions to feed the blog machine and clear up some confusion. Dave Weigel at Reason has some good coverage here and here as well.

Moms,

Question #1: Mom, what are the candidates stances on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? Do they have far-reaching plans for military intervention on Iran, or would diplomacy be a better option?

Question #2: Bob Barr got zinged by National Review today (h/t Eric Dondero) saying that a vote for Barr is essentially a vote for Obama? How does the LP respond to these nay-sayers in the conservative movement?

Question #3: Mom, David Weigel writes at Reason that there is a group called the "Libertarians For Justice" at the convention that appears to be a creepy 9/11 truther organization. The website talks a lot about Building 7 and "bringing the terrorists to justice". By the "terrorists" I assume they mean the government, which your son works for. How do you propose to distance the more moderate factions of the party from these yahoos?

Question #4: Did you ride in on the guy on the left's hog (he is a delegate, after all)?

(Stolen from Reason)

Does Dad know about this gentleman?

Question #5: Wonkette reports that Tucker Carlson has shown up to the convention. The snarky website also called him a loser. What's the story with that guy?

Question #6: Which group of delegates throw the most wild parties in the hotel?

Your Bestest Son,
LT Nixon

About Those Sistani Fatwas

A correction is in order from my post earlier today. Yesterday, the AP ran an article about Grand Ayatollah Sistani issuing religious edicts in Najaf about resisting the U.S. presence. While I respect the opinions and analysis of Juan Cole, Eric Martin, and Allahpundit, I'm more inclined to listen to people from the Middle East on religious matters of this sort. Iraqpundit and Talisman Gate offer up different analysis suggesting that Iraq's Shi'ite community will not be rising up against us American brutes in the near future. When one doesn't fully understand a culture, it's best to listen to people who hail from that culture. It's just common sense.

Veterans Grave Gets Restored in Texas

Several weeks ago, some very creepy-looking teenagers dug up a skull from an African-American veterans' grave to use as a bong. 2SBCT Mom, who has a son serving in Iraq, writes in that the local community has restored the cemetery just in time for Memorial Day (story is here). Kudos to them!

Congrats To the Academy Grads of 2008

Is this too demotivating?

Ah, yes. It's that time of the year for the graduation at the Naval Academy in Annapolis. I extend my congrats to the newest Ensigns of the Navy and 2LTs of the USMC. Primarily because their willingness to serve allows disgruntled O-3s like me to get out of the Navy (which I'll be doing early next year). It also takes me back to 2002 when I was commissioned at OCS and I was so excited to be serving my country and doing "God's work". In the words of Chuck Palahniuk, "That's how dumb I was". Allow me to give you youngsters unsolicited advice on being an officer so you don't make so many goddamn mistakes and/or fuck over the people you will be in charge of:

1) Good job on graduating from the Academy! Please limit your conservation about the Navy football team, plebe summer, and that crazy night you got in a fight with the West Point guys to a minimum. People aren't very interested in that in the real Navy (especially if they didn't go to the Academy).

2) Don't get a DUI, because you'll end up kicked off your ship and have to do a year in Afghanistan, Iraq, or Gitmo. If you want to do a tour over here, then wait until your shore tour. Don't worry, these places aren't going away in the next 5 years.

3) Never tell the CO/XO/Department Head about a problem with the ship that the Chief can fix.

4) For the male Ensigns, when you first show up on the ship someone will most likely jokingly grab your ass. How you react to this is very important and will affect how people treat you the rest of your time onboard.

5) If you act like a douchebag to the 3rd, 2nd, and 1st classes while you are qualifying, you will find your life to be incredibly difficult. Being an Ensign entitles you to not know shit, and you never learn anything from the people who know things by being arrogant.

6) The first time you get a serious ass-chewing from the XO about a problem you know absolutely nothing about, congrats! You are now part of the team and a useful officer in the Navy. Expect more of these on a daily basis from then on.

7) The Navy is generally hard work and not very glamorous (that's why it's called military "service"). However, a port call anywhere is a recipe for a good time. Most people denigrate Guam by calling it "Ghetto Hawaii" or "Give Up And Masturbate", but even this tiny island has Jeff's Pirate Cove, the happiest place on earth.

8) Ensure your time in Thailand is filled with debauchery and lust. However, make sure you have mastered the covert "package check" on the lovely Thai girl talking to you at the bar, because it's very difficult to tell the difference between a "him" and a "her". Very, very difficult.

9) If you think that you have scammed your way out of work on the ship, just remember that some other JO probably had to do the job that you wouldn't do.

10) While sometimes you have to be the bad guy as an officer, just remember that it is no excuse to be a douchebag, and make sure you watch out for everyone, both officer and enlisted. Act like Bill N' Ted and be excellent to each other.

Congrats to our newly commissioned officers. Thanks for your service.

Iraq News (23 May)

The Good: The Egyptian online gazette is already discussing investment opportunities in Iraq now that Al-Qaeda is being badly defeated, while the Iraqi military continues the offensive against the despised terrorists in Mosul. General Petraeus appeared for his confirmation hearing for being appointed to head CENTCOM, and he mentioned that further troop cuts in Iraq will be likely this fall. The Prime Minister met with Sistani yesterday, and the Prime Minister said that Sistani approved of the Iraqi-led operation in Sadr City, which has met little resistance. ABC remarks on the "good news" about Iraq, since the offensives in Basra, Sadr City, and Mosul are all Iraqi-led. The Prez sez Iraq is seeing progress, but he probably should've avoided "going political" in front of the 82nd Airborne at Fort Bragg.

The Bad: A bombing has killed at least 6 civilians in the city of Fallujah. Anbar province was very calm for many months, but has seen an uptick in violence (most likely due to terrorists fleeing from the Mosul offensive, sounds like a bit of whack-a-mole). A NATO soldier has been killed in Afghanistan due to a protest that turned violent over the Qur'an shooting incident in Iraq. While Sistani supports the Iraqi-led operations, he may be silently issuing fatwas against the U.S. presence in Iraq. This has the potential to be disastrous for U.S. forces as Sistani is very influential and has been credited with keeping the peace. Juan Cole has more on this issue, in what Allahpundit calls "a turd in the progress punchbowl". U.S. forces announce that two children were killed in an air strike.

The Ugly: Soldiers aren't the only people who have trouble when coming back from Iraq to the states. Read about some NY Times journalists awkwardly re-adjusting to America. Also from the NY Times, a big, nasty article on how taxpayer money got misspent in Iraq (as if there was any doubt).

Did the reclusive Ayatollah declare jihad against the U.S.? (photo from AP)

Decline in Smoking Correlates With Decline in Coolness

A few busybodies in our fair country may say that the decline in adult smokers has contributed to better public health. But did these buzzkills ever stop to think about the effect smoking cessation would have on the overall coolness of our country? They certainly did not! The New York Times reports that more and more niche groups are abandoning smoking:

It was a time when the percentage of adult smokers in the United States fell to 21 percent from 45 percent. As the investigators watched the smokers and their social networks, they saw what they said was a striking effect — smokers had formed little social clusters and, as the years went by, entire clusters of smokers were stopping en masse. So were clusters of clusters that were only loosely connected.

It has been scientifically proven that smoking automatically elevates an individual's coolness factor. It would follow that a societal trend of declining smokers would lead to an overall drop in the worthiness of our culture and music scene. The graph below represents exhaustive research compiled by this blog for the purpose of this study:

(Note: All data compiled from the CDC and the author's perception of coolness)

1978 (34.1% Smoker Rate) - The Bitchin' Period: NYC sees the rise of punk rock with the musical simplicity of power chords and The Ramones. CBGB's becomes a mecca for coolness in light of the recent disco trend that has swept the nation. Los Angeles follows the new punk uprising with bands like Black Flag, The Circle Jerks, and The Germs. Smoking, pogoing, and face-punching were all in style. However, even if a person chose disco over punk, they were guaranteed to get laid at the inevitable swingers party that followed a night of dancing and cocaine.

1985 (30.1% Smoker Rate) - Awesome Times: Big hair and hot chicks were everywhere on the Sunset Strip as Motley Crue ushered in a new era of decadence and awesome. Of course, this scene didn't leave our middle American peers behind, as the parking lot at a Judas Priest show was all anyone needed to have a good time. Most people smoked, but everyone was getting shitfaced on Budweiser and trickle-down economics. Times were good.

1993 (25.0% Smoker Rate) - Meh, it was sorta cool: A new type of music disenfranchised with the ridiculous glamor of MTV began to emerge. Nirvana, Sonic Youth, and Soundgarden all spoke to a cynical generation tired of mainstream fluff. Unfortunately, that music became "trendy" thereby defeating it's purpose, which culminated with Nirvana's appearance on MTV's Unplugged. The people who understood the irony of this madness smoked, and they were sorta cool.

2006 (20.8% Smoker Rate) - Welcome to Squaresville, population YOU: Music and culture has become so watered down that the youth are forced to watch hallow renditions of their generation appear on American Idol and make imbeciles of themselves. People take out small loans to go see a horrible concert of Jack Johnson where no alcohol is served, and the lone individual who dares to light up a cigarette is promptly escorted from the premise. This is your Orwellian reality.

Sure, our children may have a healthier future without the demon tobacco polluting their little lungs, but it's a future of lameness in which the the separation of cool vs. uncool is indistinguishable. All that is left a boring hallow middle, where the best they can hope for is an aging Metallica to do a reunion tour. Why do you non-smoker people hate the children anyways?