What the hell, Dog? Like I'm not good enough for you. I have 6,000 friends on Facebook! YOU'RE NOT EVEN ON FACEBOOK BECAUSE YOUR PAWS WOULD MAKE TYPING IMPOSSIBLY AWKWARD. What am I doing wrong here? We hung out that one time, and I thought things were going pretty well. I made some jokes, you ate your own poop, WE HAD A NICE DAY TOGETHER.
I'm not upset. I'm just unclear on what makes you think you're so fucking cool and I am just dirt on the bottom of your paw. I am a cool person. I have cool sneakers, I watched Arrested Development from the premiere on, before it got trendy, and I say things like "Yeah, I loved Kanye, before he decided he could rap." I even met Samuel L. Jackson, and I was totally like "Hey, what's going on, oh, you're in movies?" Nevermind, forget it. Fuck you, Dog. I've got other things going on. I've got plans tonight anyway, and they don't involve crying.
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