Crazy Dictator Says Crazy Shit

Criticizing Ahmadinejad is about as intellectually taxing as calling Tiger Woods a lousy husband, but this statement needs to be repeated to permanently assure his mentally deranged status. From Fox News:

“We have documented proof that they believe that a descendant of the prophet of Islam will raise in these parts and he will dry the roots of all injustice in the world,” Ahmadinejad said during a speech on Monday, according to Al Arabiya.

"They have devised all these plans to prevent the coming of the Hidden Imam because they know that the Iranian nation is the one that will prepare the grounds for his coming and will be the supporters of his rule," Ahmadinejad was quoted as saying.

Supposedly, the 12th Imam (Mahdi) will rid the world of injustice alongside Jesus and Xenu, but I'm not a religious scholar or anything. However, it is painfully obvious that Ahmadinejad is dishing out another ridiculous statement to distract the public from the regime's domestic woes. Previous whoppers Ahmadinejad has told the public include holocaust denial and an assassination plot against him involving X-Rays at the airport.

Oh Yeah...You Mean THAT "Secret, Underground Nuclear Fuel Facility"

President Obama, Prime Minister Gordon Brown, and President Sarkozy are dropping a bombshell (pun intended!) at the G20 summit today...well not really that surprising considering Iran's track record. From the NY Times:

President Obama and the leaders of Britain and France will accuse Iran Friday of building a secret underground plant to manufacture nuclear fuel, saying it has hidden the covert operation from international weapons inspectors for years, according to senior administration officials.

The revelation, which the three leaders will make before the opening of the Group of 20 economic summit here, appears bound to add urgency to the diplomatic confrontation with Iran over its suspected ambitions to build a nuclear weapons capability. Mr. Obama, along with Prime Minister Gordon Brown of Britain and President Nicolas Sarkozy of France, will demand that the country allow the International Atomic Energy Agency to conduct an immediate inspection of the facility, which is said to be 100 miles southwest of Tehran.

That's certainly one way to approach diplomacy, and a much more effective one that inviting Iranian officials over for hot dogs.

Power To the People

From the always on-point Attack Cartoons

Lest we forget about the plight of Iranians during a barrage of croaked celebrities, it's very difficult to exercise any rights when the government has the ability to overpower its citizens with force. The Second Amendment enables the government to be perpetually afraid and mindful of its people and not the other way around. Certainly, non-violent demonstrations (MLK, Gandhi) are ideal, but in some cases, the people may have no other options. Shit, our country chucked the king out on his ass with violence for taxes that would seem benign nowadays. Look at what the Iranians have to deal with on a daily basis.

Let Your Heart Beat For The...Revolution

More Phenomenal Photography at Revolutionary Road (thx GP)

Even though Basij thugs are massacring civilians, Roger Cohen reports with a Tehran byline that the regular police forces are starting to back down. From NYT:

Garbage burned. Crowds bayed. Smoke from tear gas swirled. Hurled bricks sent phalanxes of police, some with automatic rifles, into retreat to the accompaniment of cheers. Early afternoon rumors that the rally for Moussavi had been canceled yielded to the reality of violent confrontation.

I don’t know where this uprising is leading. I do know some police units are wavering. That commander talking about his family was not alone. There were other policemen complaining about the unruly Basijis. Some security forces just stood and watched. “All together, all together, don’t be scared,” the crowd shouted.

A regime that depends upon the oppression of it's citizens as a means of maintaining power will have a hard time staying afloat if the police walk off the job. Who knows what will happen today...

One thing is for sure, Ahmadinejad is channeling his inner Baghdad Bob. From the Iranian propaganda apparatus Press TV:

I sincerely extend my gratitude to the Leader of the Islamic Revolution Ayatollah Seyyed Ali Khamenei over his historic and epoch-making presence as well as helpful remarks at Tehran's Friday prayers.

Is anyone in the world taking this guy seriously anymore?

Ballsy

Iranian Soccer Team Wearing Green Wrist Bands

If you're not following the political upheaval (revolution?) in Iran, you should be. Totten, Sullivan, and Gateway Pundit have great coverage with tons of links/pics of human courage. Sorry to offer up nothing but links to better bloggers, but my Thai lessons are kicking my ass at the moment.

Hope and Change

Tiananmen Square, June 1989

Tehran, June 2009

Totalitarian regimes simply cannot survive an information age. Totten has much more. The White House is playing it cool for the time-being, but I sure hope they have an ace up their sleeve...

Ahmadinejad's Advisor Calls Opposition Supporters a Bunch of Nerds

Supporters of Iran's reform-minded challenger, Mousavi, have taken to the internet to hype up his campaign, while Ahmadinejad has used more traditional Persian outlets for his campaign stops (mosques, the state-run media, Quds Force bowling alleys, etc.) Sensing the threat from these un-Islamic, rabble-rousing youth, Ahmadinejad has used the age-old tactic of labeling anyone who knows how to turn on a computer a poindexter. From Washington Post:

Badamchi's site, called Sepidedam.com, broadcasts speeches by Mousavi, who has repeatedly complained that state television favors Ahmadinejad. "So we still get our message out through the Web. And the best part is, it's for free," Badamchi said, adding that "these are the most digital and virtual elections ever" in Iran.

Shamaqdari[Ahmadinejad adviser] portrayed Mousavi's supporters as geeks who spend too much time at their computers.

"Even though it is bad for their mental health, Mousavi's supporters spend hours on the Internet," he said. "Our youths are more social. They like to hang out at baseej centers, on the streets or play sports. They like to meet in groups. Mousavi's supporters are more solitary."

Hasn't Mr. Shamaqdari ever seen Revenge of the Nerds? He's forgetting that the geeks always win in the end, whether it's Hollywood or real life.

UPI has good photo coverage of the Iranian election campaign here.

Idiotic UN Racism Conference Turns Into an Actual Clown Show

Who Would've Thought This Guy Would Say Something Stupid?

Sometimes you have to feel sorry for the U.N. No one explicitly likes having kids in poverty, genocide, or racism in the modern world. But it's not very hard to predict that Ahmadinejad, whose stranglehold on power in Iran lies largely by feeding the uninformed masses his anti-Zionist nonsense, would level a bunch of a propaganda when he was given a platform to speak. From WaPo:

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad argued before a U.N. anti-racism conference Monday that Israel is a "paragon of racism" founded on "the pretext of Jewish sufferings" during World War II..."Following World War II," he continued, according to an official English-language text of his remarks, "they resorted to military aggression to make an entire nation homeless, on the pretext of Jewish sufferings and the ambiguous and dubious question" of the Holocaust.

It didn't take a crystal ball for President Obama to know we were best to boycott this turd of a conference in the first place. What is pathetic, is that the UN High Commissioner for Human Rights, just yesterday, expressed "shock" and was upset that the US withdrew from the Durban conference because the atrocities of the Holocaust was adequately factored into the program. But later today, the UN Secretary General, Ban Ki-Moon, had to issue a press release saying he was appalled by madman Ahmadinejad's comments. Once again, the UN looks like a bunch of embarrassing imbeciles at their utter Uncompetence.

However, the saving grace of the racism conference was these protesters dressed as clowns, who by screaming loudly and being escorted from the room, provided the most coherent message of the day (h/t Gateway Pundit for the video):

Shocker: Iranian Thugocracy Ain't Chomping on Obama's Carrot

Besides throwing the Special Olympics under the short bus yesterday, Obama made a pretty bold soft power move by issuing a video addressing the Iranian people and its leadership on the occasion of Nowruz (Persian New Year). Not a terrible idea, since not exercising all diplomatic options prior to conflict would be madness. However, it unsurprisingly was met with disdain by Iran's leadership. FOX News has a little blurb about Iran saying "neigh", and using the power of teh google news aggregator, I was able to dig up this FARS News Agency (one of Iran's propaganda mills) article:

The new US administration needed a "fundamental change in attitude", he said. But Iran would "not show its back" to Obama if the US put its words into practice.

"By fundamentally changing its behavior, America can offer us a friendly hand. So far what we have received have been unfriendly fists. Unlimited sanctions which still continue and have been renewed by the United States are wrong and need to be reviewed," he said...
...But Iranian memories go back much further, to the 1953 CIA-backed coup that overthrew the nationalist prime minister Mossadegh, and decades of American support for the shah. As Obama pointed out, with presidential understatement, it would not be easy to overcome "the old divisions".

Javanfekr also singled out US backing for Israel, Iran's arch-enemy and currently the only nuclear power in the Middle East.

You're pretty standard Iranian fanfare about our support of Israel and past involvement with the Shah. Of course, nothing from Iran about their aggression of the last 3 decades from kidnapped diplomats to flying drones above neighboring countries to undermine regional security. However, it seems like the video was a clever way to reach out to the Iranian people ahead of their elections, and the vid is getting some serious attention on the Middle Eastern satellite stations.

The Persians are smart enough to have good taste in music, so perhaps they'll realize that all the ridiculous conspiracy theories about the West attempting to assassinate Ahmadinejad with airport X-rays is simply state-issued propaganda to distract the citizenry. Also, observational evidence suggests that Iranians don't have some deep-seated hatred towards America and in fact have some affinity for Western culture. Fundamentalist theocracies will inevitably collapse during an information age, since control of media by the state becomes less and less feasible. Perhaps the President was just trying to hasten the process.

Barack HUSSEIN Obama Talkz With Muslin Media!

Just kidding about the post title, but Obama did an interview with the popular, international media outlet Al-Arabiya for an interview recently. Al-Arabiya is owned by some rich sheikhs from Saudi Arabia and a few other Gulf states, and has been strongly opposed to terrorism in the past. I respect what Obama is trying to do: utilizing public diplomacy to squash some rumors regarding America that continue to persist in the Middle East. For example, many citizens in moderate countries, like Jordan, believe that 9/11 was not caused by terrorists. Obama walked the tightrope on the Israeli/Palestinian issue, which the interviewer hit him up with first. From the transcript:

Ultimately, we cannot tell either the Israelis or the Palestinians what's best for them. They're going to have to make some decisions. But I do believe that the moment is ripe for both sides to realize that the path that they are on is one that is not going to result in prosperity and security for their people. And that instead, it's time to return to the negotiating table.

Probably a smart move, as there's no greater polarizing issue in the Middle East than Israel, and we'd be best to keep our distance to some extent. I don't understand our nation's preoccupation with sustaining Israel through aid and completely unwavering support. Is it in our constitution somewhere? If they're such great allies, how come they don't contribute any military forces to Iraq or Afghanistan? I have nothing against Israel, but I don't see why America needs to bend over backwards to support them even at our own diplomatic peril.

Although, his comments about Iran were a bit strange and come near the end:

But I do think that it is important for us to be willing to talk to Iran, to express very clearly where our differences are, but where there are potential avenues for progress. And we will over the next several months be laying out our general framework and approach. And as I said during my inauguration speech, if countries like Iran are willing to unclench their fist, they will find an extended hand from us.

Since Al-Arabiya is from the Gulf, I doubt they have much sympathy for Iran. Also, it doesn't look like Iran is going to want to talk to us in the first place. We'll see how that works out. Maybe Ahmadinejad will unleash some creepy hour-long rant about how there are no Persian homosexuals like he did at Columbia.

Iranian Regime Continues Oppression of Excellent Music

A metal resurgence in Iran appears to have caught the eye of the fundamentalist thugs who are in power. Our Persian brothers and sisters in the metal militia are being rounded up for gearing up in "Satanic" outfits [Javno sourced from The Drudge Report):

Police have arrested 49 people this week in a northern Iranian city during a crackdown on "satanic" clothes, IRNA news agency reported on Thursday.
The measures are the latest in a country-wide campaign against Western cultural influence in the Islamic Republic, where strict dress codes are enforced.

"Police confronted rascals and thugs who appeared in public wearing satanic fashions and unsuitable clothing," Qaemshahr city police commander Mahmoud Rahmani told IRNA.

In principle, this is the same as Tipper Gore and her group of busybody DC wives trying to shut down culture through the Parents Music Resource Center back in the 80s. Demonizing musical genres as offensive, Satanic, or whatever has been tried before and will no doubt fail.

Code Pink Blogs From Iran About Its Great Fundamentalist Regime

Code Pink to get tips on sharpening their anti-American rhetoric in Tehran

They may have packed up shop from protesting our troops in Berkeley, but the women you love to hate at Code Pink have taken their clown show to the streets of Iran. A blog post from the group's website indicates they are cruising around on some sort of "peace delegation" and getting fed a line of bullshit from puppets of the atrocious Iranian regime. From the Code Pink blog:

After a hearty Iranian breakfast that included delicious tomatoes, cucumbers, fresh eggs, cheese, yoghurt, flat bread and mouth-watering olives, the “work day” began for the three of us—myself, CODEPINK cofounder Jodie Evans and Col. Ann Wright. Our first meeting was with our dear friend Rostam Pourzal, who works with the anti-sanctions group CASMI. Rostam used to live in Washington DC, but moved back to Iran recently. Thank goodness he came to greet us, because it turned out that the government person who was supposed to set up our schedule today didn’t show up. So Rostam filled in the day for us with an amazing variety of activities and meetings.

Rostam Pourzal is an apologist for the theocracy on staff at the Campaign Against Iranian Sanctions who wrote an article on mass murderer Ahmadinejad's rise to power as "Not that Bad". He also has criticized human rights activists who speak out against abuses by the Iranian regime, and even gave $2,300 to the failed presidential campaign of perennial peace wacko, Dennis Kucinich. While being led around this ridiculous propaganda tour, Code Pink swung by the abandoned American embassy:

Then we went to his office, but along the way he stopped to show us the old, abandoned U.S. Embassy. It is now surrounded by murals with anti-American slogans—a stark reminder of the harsh rhetoric emanating from both governments.

It's a real shocker, I know, that the site where 52 American hostages were captured might have a touch of "anti-American" feel to it. Code Pink then goes on their little escapade to talk to Iranians about their government, and are surprised that they don't like a brutally oppressive regime that has driven the country's economy into the ground:

People in Iraq were afraid to speak out against Saddam, people in Iran aren’t. We heard criticism of the government while we were still on the plane. Then in customs, when an official asked our guide why we had come to Iran and she replied “trying to make peace,” he laughed and said, “Not with this terrible government of ours.” The taxi drivers complain; western-educated elites complain, businessmen complain. While most wouldn’t want to be filmed venting against their government, they talk to us in an amazingly open fashion, barely looking over their shoulders to see if anyone is listening.

I'm sure Medea Benjamin and Jodie Evans will have no qualms signing these people's death warrants by turning in these malcontents to the Iranian authorities. On the plus side, maybe the Code Pink leadership will decide to stay over there and not come back.

Heavy Metal Iran

With tunes like this, Iran is not alone

Presently, the religious fanatics continue their reign in Iran, despite their oil-based economy collapsing. Even the promise of Obamamania isn't enough to convince the powers that be in Iran to become more moderate. But, like any oppressive regime throughout history, there is hope that the people will throw off the shackles of their tormentors in a fit of V-guitar solo rage. People living under the Soviet regime were clamoring for blue jeans and Michael Jackson around the time it fell apart, and now some Persians seem to have caught the metal bug. From Coilhouse (by way of Reason):

The music seems to find a way to get out. Iran’s regime is among the most repressive, forcibly cutting metal fan’s hair and crushing concerts outright. So the bands take it online, like this particularly raw piece from Arthimoth...It is also a reminder that alternative cultures have no borders, and that globalization doesn’t move in just one direction. Thirty years from now, metalheads worldwide may remember a day when a faltering genre was revived by powerful new influences. When it comes to the human need to be moved by song or cry out in rage, there is no They.

I'm liking these Arthimoth guys already, mostly because it's cool to hear cookie monster lyrics, and you have to respect their dedication to the cause amidst adversity like Acrassicauda in Baghdad. So do your humanitarian duty for our oppressed brothers and sisters in Iran: stop downloading wussy Jack Johnson iTunes and pick up some Dragonforce and Hammerfall to help spread the metal militia worldwide.

Bonus: There's been scholarly research done on this subject as well.

A Plea to Obama Regarding Afghanistan: Don't Be Ellis!

For those not familiar with '88 classic action movie, Die Hard, Ellis was the sleazebag who unsuccessfully tried to appease his terrorist captors to get an early release, but was shot in the head. A "Don't Be Ellis" plea was issued months ago to the newly formed Pakistani government regarding misguided negotiations with the Taliban insurgency in the FATA, and a similar plea is being issued to the President Elect today.

Granted, Operation Enduring Freedom is in need of a serious overhaul as enemy combatants continue to operate freely in the Pakistani tribal areas and violence has risen rapidly this year. But, according to the Washington Post, Obama might be leaning a bit too precipitously towards negotiations and reconciliation with the fanatics in the Taliban to end a long war in a quick fashion:

The incoming Obama administration plans to explore a more regional strategy to the war in Afghanistan -- including possible talks with Iran -- and looks favorably on the nascent dialogue between the Afghan government and "reconcilable" elements of the Taliban, according to Obama national security advisers.

This tactic of "reconciliation" worked well in Iraq, as Coalition Forces teamed up with Sahwa councils (many of whom were ex-insurgents) to give Al-Qaeda the boot. However, you get into an "apples and oranges" argument, because the Sunni insurgency in Iraq was largely motivated by power and money (which is easier to co-opt), while the Taliban are much more motivated by religious fanaticism. A look at Musa Qala, which fell under Taliban control in early 2007, demonstrates this fact. From The Long War Journal:

Four Afghan men are hanged for allegedly spying for American forces. Locals claim that the Taliban closed all of the schools in Musa Qala and force females to wear a burqa and be accompanied by a male relative when traveling in public; they also claim Taliban FM radio program airs during the day. A hefty Taliban tax has also been imposed on the impoverished citizens and tales of forced military conscription have merged.

Attempting to negotiate with a bunch of crazies may prove completely worthless, as Pakistan has learned the hard way. General Petraeus (CENTCOM Commander) has given subtle indication that some level of reconciliation would be a "positive step", but it is certainly unwise to make it the cornerstone of a new strategy in Afghanistan.

Obama also is considering talking with Iran to achieve some level of common goals in Afghanistan[WaPo]:

Obama said during the campaign that his administration would explore talks with countries such as Iran and Syria, rejecting bedrock Bush policy and rhetoric that some U.S. military officials believe may have outlived their usefulness.

Iran, on Afghanistan's western border, has played a mixed role over the years, at times indirectly cooperating with U.S. objectives and at times assisting the extremists.

It is true that the Iranian theocracy has a vested interest in keeping the bordering countries of Afghanistan and Iraq stabilized. But the past few years has shown that they are much more interested in fighting their holy war against The Great Satan. Whether it be using Hezbollah surrogates to murder our troops, shipping weapons to the Taliban, or deliberately undermining newly-formed democracies to make America look bad, the motivation for Iran's nefarious activities remains clear.

The President-Elect needs to weigh these options carefully and consider the consequences. As our Commander-in-Chief, we hope that he leads the world in stomping out the murderous brand of terrorism that has besieged civilization. But, we are deeply concerned that he may try to pander to the far-left base that is already banging on drums and proclaiming "war is over". These are tough times for our country, and we urge Obama not to cave-in to a quick fix like Ellis.

(x-posted at The Obacalypse)

World's Troublemakers Weigh in on Obama

Iraqpundit writes that many of our allies are pleased with the selection of Obama as President. This is good news, as America's standing in the world needs some serious repair in light of recent worldwide opinion polls. But what about the quasi-dictator hooligans who continue to oppress their suffering people? Iran says Obama must stop the "war mongering", Chavez hopes he can meet the president select on "equal and respectful terms", and Al-Qaeda thugs in the online forums said "Today America elected Obama because al-Qaeda wanted it, after God desired it! In 2004 America elected Bush because al-Qaeda had wanted it, after God desired it!". Ho-hum. This is normal and silly chatter from the usual rabble, but another questionable regime appears to have taken action. The apparatchiks at Pravda wrote a glowing review of Obama in yesterday's edition:

Those of us in the international community who predicted eight long years ago what would happen if Bush were elected must do two things. First, never forget the damage done by George W. Bush and his minions of evil and make sure that, like the generations after Hitler, history does not pardon these criminals as well-meaning politicians who were the victims of tough times. Secondly, we must give Barack Obama a blank page to write on, and hand him the pen with a sincere and open smile.

Welcome back, people of the United States, welcome back into the fold of the international community, where you will find friends and not foes, where you will find we all prefer to smile and not to cry and that when we do cry, our tears taste of salt just like yours do, whether we are pink, blue, white, yellow or black.

Sounds like kind words from our sometimes friends across the pond. Unfortunately, President Medvedev decided to deploy the nuclear-capable Iskander missiles today in an attempt to spook the incoming Obama administration. The President then prattled on about the U.S. being the architect behind the global financial crisis. The Telegraph reports that some Russian media delved into the ridiculous:

Several tabloids incorrectly reported that the main message of Mr Obama's final campaign speech was a call on young African Americans not to let their underpants show above the waistline of the jeans.

Jeez. It's like these guys want to go back to the good old days of the cold war, replete with shoe-banging and thermo-nuclear annihilation. Despite a resurgence in classic movies like Matthew Broderick's War Games, our country doesn't need this headache while we are already engaged in a difficult fight against Islamic extremism.

Joe Biden originally gave us six months before Obama would face a serious crisis. President elect Obama didn't even get 24 hours before Russia started puffing it's chest Soda Popinski-style. Please have a plan, Mr. Obama.

Russian President Trying to Act Tough

CTC Sheds Some Light on Iran's Two-Faced Game in Iraq

Iranian-backed Militia Thugs in the Streets [ABC]

The Counter-terrorism Center at West Point has released another important study regarding the proverbial Long War. It concerns Iranian influence in Iraq and recommendations to halt the nefarious part of their meddling [pdf]. Viewing this problem in the traditional conservative/liberal lens of domestic politics is an unfitting model for this complicated issue. If you're a crunchy liberal, you may think that U.S. actions in Iraq are unjustified and the Bush administration is rotten to the core, therefore Ahmadinejad's rhetoric about the U.S. being an imperial aggressor may sound slightly appealing (see the "I have a Crush on Ahmadinejad" post). Conversely, if you're a real charlie-church conservative, you probably view Iran as an evil empire and military action against the nation is inevitable. Both ideologies fail to comprehend what is really happening, and the CTC offers up an objective analysis of this important foreign policy issue.

Their key findings indicats that Iran is trying to give its traditional nemesis, The Great Satan aka the U.S., the boot from Iraq by use of proxy militias and influence in Iraqi politics, while simultaneously hoping to ensure a stable and friendly Iraq so that trench warfare isn't revisited ala the '80-'88 Iran-Iraq war. As evidenced by the money-hungry militia thugs that ruled Basra prior to the offensive in March, Iran's dangerous game of supporting combatants has an effect that is incredibly counter-productive to its stated goal of a stable Iraq. From the CTC study pg. 13:

It is a mistake to think of all Iranian influence in Iraq as nefarious. Iran should have a close relationship with the Iraqi government and strong economic and social ties to the Iraqi people. Nonetheless, Iranian policy over the last five years has been two‐faced: offering Iraq’s government moral support while arming militias that undermine governmental authority; funneling advanced weapons to attack its enemies, but providing humanitarian aid for the Iraqi people; and encouraging free elections, but attempting to manipulate their results.

The CTC suggests an aggressive military and diplomatic effort to curb negative Iranian influence, while encouraging Iraqi nationalism to thwart Iran from subverting the Iraqi political process. The study even suggests direct negotiations between Iran and the U.S. to increase transparency of funds that Iran provides to Iraq. This is a very informative study, and goes way beyond the usual pundit blabber of "preconditions" and "Iran sucks, America is Awesome" that we can't seem to get beyond in this horrendous election season. Worth a read.

Code Pink Meets Up with BFF Ahmadinejad

Saying Hello to His Fans

This isn't much of a surprise, seeing how these hags already met with Hugo Chavez, but Code Pink is totally stoked to meet up with the infamous holocaust-denying, terrorist-financing, Ahmadinejad. Code Pink press release:

The CODEPINK women proposed inviting American and Iranian artists to build a “peace park” in Tehran, a memorial dedicated to people-to-people commitment to peace and diplomacy between our two countries.

They also proposed a plan to invest funds in an Iranian business, one that produces green and sustainable products, such as bicycles.

Code Pink is behind the curve, because Iran has already tried to create these so-called "sister cities" in Iraq and Lebanon. Too many incoming 240mm rockets and too many babes getting killed for not wearing the abaya, IMHO. I'm not too hot on the idea of Hezbollah coming into our country to do outreach.

Why does Code Pink continuously give our enemies fodder for their propaganda apparatus? Societies that are based on tyranny are destined to fail in an information age, because the rulers count on the ignorance of their people to remain in power. That is why phenomenons like Heavy Metal in Tehran shows how superior ideologies of rocking out and getting wasted will prevail over pie in the sky theories about the 12th imam. Code Pink isn't helping this equation. Another group of people who can't deal with the modern reality of terrorism and extremism and cling to their hippie rituals of "sticking it to the man". Grow up, you bums.

Great News: Mysterious Iranian Boat Loses Toxic Cargo to Somali Pirates

Uh-oh. The Long War Journal has an in-depth report on the Iran Deyanat, which was hijacked by Somali pirates late last month. The ship was supposedly carrying 40K Tons of iron ore from China to Rotterdam, but something seems a little fishy about this payload. From LWJ:

The MV Iran Deyanat was brought to Eyl, a sleepy fishing village in northeastern Somalia, and was secured by a larger gang of pirates - 50 onboard and 50 onshore. Within days, pirates who had boarded the ship developed strange health complications, skin burns and loss of hair. Independent sources tell The Long War Journal that a number of pirates have also died. "Yes, some of them have died. I do not know exactly how many but the information that I am getting is that some of them have died," Andrew Mwangura, Director of the East African Seafarers' Assistance Program, said Friday when reached by phone in Mombasa.

News about the illness and the toxic cargo quickly reached Garowe, seat of the government for the autonomous region of Puntland. Angered over the wave of piracy and suspicious about the Iranian ship, authorities dispatched a delegation led by Minister of Minerals and Oil Hassan Allore Osman to investigate the situation on September 4. Osman also confirmed to The Long War Journal that during the six days he negotiated with the pirates members of the syndicate had become sick and died. "That ship is unusual," he said. "It is not carrying a normal shipment."

The symptoms cited amongst the pirates are consistent with radiation sickness, which causes reddening of the skin, nausea, hair falling out, and looking like an extra from The Day After. It takes over a 100 rads at once to get sick, and unless your standing on top of a critical reactor, getting nuked Strangelove-style, or near High Level Radioactive Waste, it just ain't gonna happen. Even the dreaded yellowcake (processed Uranium ore) probably can't cause these kind of symptoms as seen in Table 4 of this CDC PDF. So, if it's radioactive waste making the "Curious George" pirates puke themselves, it has to be some kind of spent fuel.

Since the last two big internet rumors have turned out to be accurate (see Palin Hacker story and Obama Astroturfing campaign), time to speculate on a new one. Iran is carting around toxic radioactive waste to create a mutant, mop-wielding, Somali Army to wage war against the West! It'll be like The Toxic Avenger, but in Farsi and with less boob shots.

Actually, it might be Iran trying to get rid of their nuclear waste from trying to start up the Bushehr reactor and its enrichment program. So by trying to dodge the pesky IAEA's questions, Iran accidentally shipped a bunch of material for a dirty bomb to the place on earth most resmbling Road Warrior (i.e. Somalia). Way to go, Ahmadinejad.

Or...it could be some kind of chemical weapon coming from China. The Chinese have been accused of providing weaponry to Iran merchants before. No wonder Iranian shipping just got slapped with sanctions.

Ahmadinejad Dreams Up Another Wacky Assassination Plot

Ahmadinejad must be desperately clinging to power in Iran, because his assassination fantasies are getting more bizarre and ridiculous by the day. A week ago he claimed Bush tried to assassinate him while he was in Baghdad in March, and now he believes those filthy Italians tried to zap him to death with an X-ray machine. From RIA Novosti (h/t Jawa):

Enemies of Iran attempted to kill President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad with high-intensity X-ray radiation during his recent trip to Italy, Iran's former ambassador in Rome said on Monday. Ahmadinejad attended a global summit on food at the UN Food and Agriculture Organization's Rome headquarters in early June. "On the eve of the [Iranian] president's visit to Rome, we checked the radiation levels in his temporary residence," Abolfazi Zohrevand told Iran's IRNA news agency. "We found out that the radiation was higher than normal and its intensity was rapidly increasing," he said, adding that several devices were used to avoid potential error in readings, but they all showed the same results.

Since I worked in the radiation field in the Navy, allow me to give Mr. Ahmadinejad's people a brief science lesson:

• Average Radiation Does of an X-ray: ~10-20 mrem
• Additional radiation exposure LT Nixon was subjected to after 3 years from working on a nuclear submarine with "one of the dirtiest reactors" in the U.S. Navy: ~250 mrem
• Average yearly background radiation from Radon, Cosmic Rays, etc.: ~300 mrem
• Radiation to make your hair fall out and cause a painful death: ~200,000 mrem (all at once)

Clearly an X-ray machine is incapable of inducing acute radiation sickness even if the thing gets turned to "11". The only plausible justification to Ahmadinejad's outrage is that he thought the X-ray machine got a shot of his pantaloons like some bad 1960s novelty specs found on the back page of a comic book.

Western swine offend Ahmadinejad's modesty

People Actually Think We Tried to Kidnap Ahmadinejad, Sigh

Juan Cole posts an article from the Iranian propaganda apparatus about Ahmadinejad thinking that the U.S. tried to abduct him while he visited Baghdad in March:

A Tabnak correspondent has reported: During a meeting today with members of the Qom Theological Lecturers Association, our country's president has disclosed that a US plan to abduct him in Iraq and transfer him to the US has failed. According to one of the lecturers present at the meeting, Dr Ahmadinezhad added: Simultaneous with my visit to Iraq, the Americans intended to carry out a calculated plan to abduct me and transfer me to the US so that they could use the issue of terrorism as an excuse to blackmail the Islamic Republic. The president continued: Despite this, praise be to God, the changes which were made to my travel schedule spoilt their plan. They were taken by surprise and realized what had happened when I was flying back to Iran. This was whilst we didn't even visit the Green Zone, which is Baghdad's safest area. The interesting point is that Bush, the US president, hasn't even stayed overnight in Iraq.

There is zero evidence for this abduction, except in the dark confines of Ahmadinejad's mind, and he erroneously states that he didn't visit the Green Zone last March. That's funny, because the international media outlet, BBC, reported that crazy Mahmoud visited Prime Minister Maliki, even going so far to report how security was provided by the Pesh:

The visiting president also saw Prime Minister Nouri Maliki at his offices inside the heavily fortified Green Zone. Entering the Green Zone usually involves passing through American checkpoints, but security on the way into the zone for Mr Ahmadinejad was provided by Kurdish peshmerga forces supplied by the Kurdish Iraqi president.

What's truly scary is that American Professor, Dr. Juan Cole, provides this article without commentary, indicating that he may or may not believe it to be true. Since I was there at the time, I should be up front about what happened to my fellow left-leaning countrymen. I was dressed up in the undergarments the Army issues that are ninja-like in appearance with my fellow buddies in Blackwater and the CIA. We were waiting for the word from Cheney to take President Ahmadinejad to the secret GOP/Exxon/Halliburton headquarters on Neptune. Unfortunately, those whiny bleeding heart pussies in Congress called it off! Stay vigilant, netroots.

Big Surprise, These Ninjas Weren't Utilized During Ahmadinejad's Visit in March