Fuck you, I let you wear one of those fake knife hats! THAT SHIT IS HILARIOUS. I don't just put those on anybody, you know. What is wrong with you, Basset Hound? We used to have fun together. Remember the time we called up the Chinese restaurant and pretended we wanted to order you? And remember the time we went out to a bar to pick up chicks, but then we were all "bros before hos," and went back to the apartment and played X-Box? Now all you do is wear cardigans and take your kids to the fucking park. NOT COOL, BASSET HOUND.
You know, I invited you to this party so you could have a good time, relax a little. I know things have been crazy at the office. But I start busting out the party favors, and all of the sudden it's bummer central in here. I'm gonna need you to lighten the fuck up and put on this beer hat, or you should just put your tail between your legs and go home.
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