Own a piece of history

You prayed for this day from the beginning. You thought it wasn't possible, but you hoped it could happen anyway. You placed your faith in God and the publishing industry. You put your dog on notice.

Well guess what, people? THE MOMENT YOU HAVE DREAMED OF HAS ARRIVED. For the first time ever, a blog is being turned into a book, and that blog is FUCK YOU, PENGUIN. Yes, the project thirty years in the making is finally available for pre-order at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Borders, and your favorite neighborhood internet book dealer.

DO NOT RIOT IN CELEBRATION. The best way to proceed is to do the following:

1. Click on one of the links.
2. Pre-order the book.
3. Calmly wait for it to arrive on or around August 25th.
4. Organize some sort of religion based around the book, preferably involving purchasing more copies.

How did I come up with such a mind-blowing idea? Well, it wasn't easy. After all, people do not just email you asking to make your blog into a book. But I thought, hold on: blogs are just books but for free. Why not charge people for what they can get for free?!? It's working for newspapers! Plus, I've been pretty disappointed in the reach of the internet recently. I know it's been called the "information superhighway," but recently, it's felt more like the "information cul-de-sac" (please give me credit when you quote that line at parties). Who really goes on the internet anymore anyway? Books, on the other hand, are creeping up the charts like "whoa." OK, I'm just going to say it: books are going to be for the 21st century what books were for the 20th century. Believe that!

I know this seems like a cheap way to cash in on work that should be done for the good of humanity, and trust me, it is. But the book is so much more than that. Full color photos. Physical reproductions of the classics, but MORE THAN A THIRD NEW MATERIAL unavailable anywhere else. Plus, I made it just good enough that scholars will be evaluating its impact for years to come, but not so good as to prevent other people who would write good books from getting too discouraged and giving up on their careers. But at the end of the day, getting the word out about the penguin threat is the most important thing, and that's what this book does. In fact, the surprisingly handsome author of the Illmatic installment in the 33 1/3 series on classic albums called it "The most important book ever."

SO BUY YOUR COPY TODAY. Do not wait, because otherwise you will have to buy it after your friends already have their copies and have developed an entire set of inside jokes based on the mind-blowing revelations contained within. If you act now, I will even throw in a receipt with every order! (Participation may vary.)