Thursday, January 1, 2009

Crazy Geezer Brings IED Tactics to Aspen, Colorado

James Blanning Pictured With Awesomely Oversized Glasses

The man who shut down the New Year's festivities in Aspen with four gift-wrapped bombs has been found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. James Blanning left a note for the police which is bizarre and disturbing. The All-Caps motif gives some insight into a deranged mind:
TAKE THIS SHEET AND THE WHITE BOX TO THE ACTING HEAD TELLER. THE OTHER THREE ASPEN BANKS ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING THIS ONE IS AND THIS IS AS MUCH A SUICIDE MISSION AS A BANK ROBBERY, SO, IF IT GETS F----D UP, OUR SOULS HAVE ALREADY BEEN DESTROYED AND WE WILL ALL DIE LIKE THE RAG-HEAD MARTYRS THAT WE WERE KILLING OVER THERE. THEY TRAINED US GOOD FOR THIS SORT OF THING...
...AFTER 2 HOURS THE FIRE CRACKER (IED), IF NOT DISTURBED, WILL AUTOMATICALLY DEACTIVATE AND CAN BE MOVED TO A SAFE PLACE (THE DUMP?) TO BE DISPOSED OF. FOR VERY UNIQUE CHEMICAL REASONS, WE RECOMMEND THAT ALL BE SET ON FIRE. WE LEARNED SOME NASTY CHEMISTRY FROM THE MARTYRS, ETC.
Aspen isn't just for yuppies, as Hunter S. Thompson once ran for Sheriff there back in the 70s. But if this can happen in a fancy ski resort town, 2009 might be shaping up to be the Year of the Crazy.

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