>>ANIMALS IN THE NEWS WEEK<< 
One of the more tragic recent instances of humans being forced to do the bidding of cute animals took place in Scotland last month. After finding a defenseless mailman on the side of the road, this otter sneakily convinced the man to give her a personal fucking tour of Scotland, before bringing her home and feeding her a bunch of salmon every day! This further cements the otter threat in Scotland, which has been growing for some time now. At this point, Scottish people are slaves to the otters, and soon residents will be legally obligated to carry salmon on them at all times. I'm not saying this to be provocative, I'm just being realistic, seeing as this otter has proven to be an unstoppable, salmon-eating, kitten-befriending force.
I'm sorry, my Scottish friends. Stay strong. And to you, Otter, you have ruined my Friday. I hope you choke on that salmon I sent you.
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