British people (I know you're there) I need a favor. ADOPT THIS DOG RIGHT FUCKING NOW. This article depicts a cunning dog that is using sympathy to infiltrate my mind and make me sad. SAD, PEOPLE. I don't have time to be sad: I HAVE A BOOK COMING OUT.
The dog's name is E.T., which makes the whole thing worse because in the movie E.T. was just trying to get home and now this dog wants a home and if you people don't take this fucking dog out of that cage and bring it home and give it a biscuit I'm going to be VERY UPSET. Look at him. He's regal, people! Once he is adopted, he'll be just another dog. His power will be neutralized!
British people, we have done so much for you. Now is your time! Trust me, it was a huge hassle to cart all the money you were making off of the colonies back across the Atlantic. We did you a favor! I promise if one of you takes this dog, we can call it even. I don't even care what misguidedly cute things you do with it. You can dress it up in a medieval costume and paint portraits of it for all I care. Just, please, get it out of my sight.
No comments:
Post a Comment