Ro Show Probably Canceled After One Night

What a Babe!

There's not much to say about Rosie O' Donnell that hasn't already been said for. She's your typical low hanging fruit for right-wing bloggers just like Al Gore or Code Pink. But here's a new blurb from the NY Times regarding her floptastic variety hour:

Rosie O’Donnell’s homage to television variety shows of the 1970s, “Rosie Live,” seems destined to be a one-night-only event. On the “Ask Ro” feature on the Web site, rosie.com, Ms. O’Donnell wrote, “there will b no more” in response to a question about the future of the show, which was broadcast on NBC on Wednesday.

Damn, even Chevy's Chase talk show lasted close to a month in '93, what a loser.

The Ultimate Strawman: U.S. Military Won't Do Its Job With Dems in Charge

Strawman: Because the Washington Post Needs a Good Sunday Front-Pager To Keep From Going Under

One of the dumbest arguments perpetuated by the far-left, anti-military citizens of our nation is that the senior brass of the military is going to be openly hostile to an Obama administration. Morans speaking lies about an "October Surprise" to prevent the election from happening and ridiculous speculation about Gen. Petraeus walking off the job will always percolate amongst the netroots. It's difficult to argue with this type of logic, just like it's difficult to argue that space aliens won't land tomorrow to give us all anal probes. There's no reason to believe that either one will happen. That's why it was a bit of a shock that treasonous Karen DeYoung devoted an entire front page article to the issue that the military's probably not going to instigate a coup (what a relief). Of course she had to present the fire beneath the ash [WaPo]:

In an October survey by the Military Times, nearly 70 percent of more than 4,000 officers and enlisted respondents said they favored McCain, while about 23 percent preferred Obama. Only African American service members gave Obama a majority.

In exit polls, those who said they had "ever served in the U.S. military" made up 15 percent of voters and broke 54 percent for McCain to 44 percent for Obama. "As a culture, we are more conservative and Republican," a senior officer said.

Obama has said he will meet with the chairman of the Joint Chiefs as well as the service chiefs during his first week in office. At the top of his agenda for that meeting will be what he has called the military's "new mission" of planning the 16-month withdrawal timeline for Iraq. Senior officers have publicly grumbled about the risk involved.

What can I say except that you do what your told in the military. Why is the concept of "duty to country" such a difficult concept to understand for these people. The military survived the Carter administration without massive desertions and mutiny, it'll probably survive Obama too.

It's the same type of thing with SECDEF Gates getting picked by Obama to stay on. Pundits worldwide are questioning his political motivation for staying , and the only person to suggest he wants to "serve his country" was Greyhawk. In true disgruntled fashion, Gates had kept a "countdown clock" until he was set to leave in 2009...I guess he has to extend it now. He's probably not doing the job because of his own self-infatuation and he loves his name in the paper, but rather just doing his job because that's what you gotta do (like most Americans).

Reading between the lines of the media trying to paint the military as some back-alley think tank with crooked ties, it's pretty obvious that some "change" is coming down the pike in the form of serious budget cuts. Whatever, it's probably best our nation spent that money on AIG swag bags and motorized scooters funded by Medicare.

Lil' Jon's Cooking Show

It might be wrong to enjoy this video, but it's just so damn funny. This blog is probably in some FBI database now for pederasty.

On a tip from my asshole friend

Indian Police Blame Laskhar-e-Taiba, Pak-Indian Tensions Getting Ugly

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

As the smoke clears from the abominable atrocities committed in Mumbai, speculation of how nations respond and whodunnit abound throughout the international media. Jules Crittenden has a pretty good round-up of what's being said, and, unsurprisingly, India's leadership is enraged. It's no secret that nuclear-armed Pakistan and India are not the greatest of friends, and reportedly the thugs responsible came from a terrorist group in Pakistan. From the Daily Mail:

One police officer said: ‘That, thankfully, never happened because we managed to stop them.’ Police insist that Kasab confessed to being a member of the Pakistani terror group Lashkar-e-Taiba, which has denied involvement in the carnage, and claimed he and the others were trained in the Muslim country.

Long War Journal has a pretty good synopsis of the Lashkar-e-Taiba:

Indian and US intelligence officials believe the Pakistan-based Lashkar-e-Taiba was behind the attacks. The capture of Kasab, along with signals intelligence, and a satellite phone and GPS recovered by police indicate the group was behind the attack.

The Indian Mujahideen -- a front group for the Lashkar-e-Taiba, the Harkat ul Jihad al Islami, and the Students Islamic Movement of India -- claimed responsibility for the attack. The Indian Mujahideen has been behind several mass-casualty terror attacks in India over the past two years.

Lashkar-e-Taiba has an extensive network in southern and Southeast Asia. A senior US military intelligence official described the group as "al Qaeda junior," as it has vast resources, an extensive network, and is able to carry out complex attacks throughout its area of operations. "If by some stroke of luck al Qaeda collapsed, LeT (Lashkar-e-Taiba) could step in and essentially take its place."

The relationship between al Qaeda and Lashkar-e-Taiba is complex, the official noted. "While Lashkar-e-Taiba is definitely subordinate to al Qaeda in many ways, it runs its own network and has its own command structure. The groups often train in each others' camps, and fight side by side in Afghanistan."

If this terrorist attack in Mumbai was backed by Pakistan's Inter-Services Intelligence, like the suicide bombing on the Indian Embassy in Kabul, the hostility between the nations will only get worse. There's also reports that Pakistani troops are being pulled from the northwestern tribal areas to be garrisoned along the Indian border. Pakistan's new democratic government deserves international support, but they have to be held accountable for allowing terrorism to fester inside their borders. A tough tightrope to walk for a nation like the U.S. A successful Indian entrepreneur writes in the WSJ that this is Obama's first international challenge. The stakes are incredibly high and the consequences for failed policy are enormous. I hope our next president doesn't let us down, because solutions to Pakistan's terrorist problem are not easy to come by.

From the mind of Barack Obama "I picked the wrong week to quit smoking!"

ZOMG! America's First Gen Y Congressman

Politico has an exclusive interview with newly elected Rep. Aaron Schock (R-Il), the first congressman born in the 80s:

Q. In the House, you will have 434 new coworkers. How will you convince them to look past your age?

A. Well I've found it's a lot like high school. You show up, you do your homework, you ask intelligent questions, you bring forward well-thought-out ideas and you quickly earn the respect of your peers, and that's what I've had to do in the state legislature.

Hopefully this pizzaface will cease text messaging his BFFs in the bathroom stall and understand that he's running a "big country" here. God have mercy on us all.

Inside Limousine Liberal Land

NYMag goes deep undercover on the Upper East Side amidst the cheese-spreads and merlot to get footage of a bona fide MoveOn.Org meeting. If you ever wondered what it's like to be a fly on the wall in a meeting full of over-educated, under-worked, self-righteous New Yorkers, now's your chance. The correspondent looks like he's about to set himself on fire like that guy from Airplane!. Thanks to Eric for finding this gem. If I'm going to get political advice from anyone in the big apple, it'll be the Staten Island Madman, not these geeks.

Attention All Hippies! Obama Gives You a Reason to be Groovy

For all my crunchy friends, who might be upset that Obama isn't acting "progressive" enough for appointing that mean warmonger Gates, cheer up! Obama just appointed Samantha Power to the State Department transition team. Read all about it...right here!

Creepy Anti-Homosexual 501 Group is Reaping Federal Charity

One of the biggest issues to fallout of the November elections has been the Proposition 8 fiasco in California. There has been some incidents that do not speak well for proponents of gay marriage including the new "blacklist" in Hollywood and thugs beating up an old woman at a protest. But equally egregious are some of these "culture warriors" with seemingly endless amounts of money to run ridiculous advocacy campaigns. Wonkette flagged this one about gay hairdressers spreading their homosexuality to small-town America (it's pretty funny):

What was surprising with the group that published this tripe, the American Family Association, is that it's on the Combined Federal Campaign (CFC) list of charities. The CFC is a program where federal employees and military personnel fill out an annual form to have their paycheck garnished to go to charities of their choosing. Supposedly, the groups on the list to receive money get vetted heavily, but a website which devotes an entire section to "exposing the homosexual agenda" seems like a big waste of money.

All this culture war crap could be solved with the simple axiom "Mind Your Own Damn Business". America is a very cosmopolitan place and people who can't accept that need to get over themselves.

Consumerism Runs Amok on Black Friday

Who Ever Though the Walmart Greeter Would Be the Angel of Death?

An innocent man was stampeded by a mob of unruly shoppers at Walmart, while attempts to revive him were met with laughter by onlookers. Two were shot dead at a Toys R' Us in California. Black Friday has certainly lived up to its macabre name, as America has become out of control in an orgy of spending. Despite polling a drop with shopping this holiday due to a lousy economy, it is clear that Americans urge to splurge continues unabated. It is short-sighted to use a few isolated incidents to make an indictment on American society, but our obsession with buying crap we don't need rarely gets discussed, and today seems appropriate. Certainly cheap megastores like Walmart help average citizens get materials they need for daily living, but our acceptance to go into massive amounts of credit debt is a disturbing sign of the times.

The advertising industry spends billions of dollars every year to dupe the public mind into buying products that are unnecessary for survival, needlessly driving up costs so that the consumer gains a false sense of social status. The big flat screen, the nice car, and the latest electronic gizmo of the moment are mere illusions of the Joneses while they fall deeper into their own self-defeating debt. Owing a significant amount of money to a financial institution that charges usurious rates that would make Shylock blush greatly hampers an individual's sense of freedom. Indeed, a society perpetually in debt and perpetually paying taxes for "necessary" government benefits like Social Security and Medicare can assure that regular Americans "won't make trouble". What's frightening are the large media corporations cheering us along on all this. Hosting wave after wave of afternoon economists encouraging people to buy more to do your patriotic duty.

Ownership is an important part of society, and the last hundred years has seen a rise in normal people living a life of modest luxury. But, it has become the gold standard for how successful you are and how happy you are while our planet goes down the tubes. A Fight Club quote seems appropriate "Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need." An apt quote when one of the best selling holiday gifts this year is most likely going to be Barry Manilow's 80s CD.

The Ultimate Stocking Stuffer: Barry Manilow + Teh 80s

Now that you've finished gorging yourself on Grandma's stuffing, it's time to start thinking mindless consumerism to reboot our shitty economy. One album that's fun for the whole fam is Barry Manilow's 80s CD, which is running commercials every 3 fucking minutes during my TV time. In response to Rick-Rolling going mainstream, Manilow takes on Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up". He also sings "Careless Whisper", a karoke favorite amongst drunk sailors for reasons beyond my comprehension, and he promises to butcher "I Just Called to Say I Love You". If Stevie Wonder weren't blind, I'm sure he show some Motown attitude and punch Barry right in his goofy face. Why the hell is Manilow-mania sweeping the nation anyways? Did I miss something?

Godzilla-sized Manilow Terrorizes The Hilton in Vegas

One More Zawahiri FAIL

Al-Qaeda's media wing, As-Sahab, continues its unsuccessful targeting of a Western audience. Since calling Obama a "house slave" didn't go over too well, they've tried advertising another piece in English entitled The Lion's Den (Counterterrorism Blog has the details). Obviously, the spell checker was turned off.

FAIL

Credit Where It's Due on Thanksgiving

As the hostage crisis continues in Mumbai (Subrookie provided a good twitter feed as well), it's time to thank the military, intelligence operatives, law enforcement officials, diplomats, and aid workers who all contribute globally to ensure that our great civilization does not grind to a halt at the hands of terrorism. The plague of suffering and violence knows no international boundaries, as Bali, Amman, New York, London, Baghdad, Kabul, Islamabad, and many more cities from different cultures and continents have all been targeted in the last decade.

The global community should be thankful for people like Hemant Karkare, head of Mumbai's anti-terror squad, who was killed in the line of duty yesterday and is being hailed as a martyr by the Indian press. We should also be thankful that the Iraqi Parliament passed the Status of Forces Agreement today, which will help facilitate a peaceful exodus of coalition forces with adequate time for transition in a country that was once at the brink. The wags who predicted the Saigon-style evacuation from a country in chaos were thankfully proven wrong.

Mudville Gazette has a comprehensive list of bloggers who are forward deployed, and we should all give them kudos, because the stabilization of troubled states ensures that the enemies of modern civilization do not have a base to spread their viral ideas. They offer their own thanks, but surely you can drop the drumstick for two seconds and give 'em some credit.

Abby Takes Care of Business

Photo of the Day: Train Station Mumbai

(pic from Reuters)

Unless you live in an information vacuum, you've heard about the grizzly attacks in Mumbai, India that have killed dozens. This Ain't Hell has published emails from a friend inside the besieged city and the Long War Journal has insight into the terror networks. Undoubtedly the most high-profile American, President-elect Obama, has issued a condemnation statement.

Smokey McBongwater

While anti-drug PSAs from the 80s usually provide the most kitsch value, this 70s anti-Marijuana PSA says the main reason to not get high is to prevent getting slapped with the dreaded "Smokey McBongwater" nickname. No wonder so many kids were listening to Pink Floyd.

Tortoises always want someone else to do their dirty work

Are you fucking kidding me, Tortoise? You are so lazy you can't get up and go see what's going on over there? You don't think someone else is going to take pity on you and just tell you what it is, do you? Because it sure as shit isn't going be this guy. And you know, Tortoise, just because you are like three thousand years old doesn't mean you shouldn't use some lotion once in a while. That neck looks like a petrified tree trunk, and not in a good way. MOISTURIZE, TORTOISE.

Admiral Mullen Nixes Holiday Wingding Since the Economy Blows

Fancy Pentagon Gala Downgraded to Cheap Get-Together

Many of our leaders come from the upper crust of society, but unlike Big Three executives, they understand that when hard times hit the people, you've got to tone it down a bit. Winston Churchill famously walked through the bombed out wreckage in England during WWII, and Robert E. Lee even wrote letters to Southern kids about Santa during the Reconstruction era. Admiral Mullen is following that trend by canceling a big holiday ball and replacing it with a small get-together for wounded vets. From U.S. News:

If you didn't know that the two-war Pentagon was operating on shoestring, here's the latest evidence. Adm. Michael Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has just canceled his annual Christmas party. The chief has just sent out cards announcing that he and his wife have decided to "forego their holiday reception this year" in light of the "trying financial times."

Everyone in the military knows that if the top officers waste money like a bunch of drunk frat boys in Vegas, it's license for their subordinates to do the same. Hence "setting the standard" of being humble and thrifty while our economy collapses and the military is about to get its budget slashed is a smart move for public relations on the Mullens part.

Are the top politicians doing the same during this nationwide belt-tightening? Well, Obama's inauguration is going to cost millions, and Bush pardoned a delicious and nutritious turkey to go on a plane ride to LA that could have fed someone. Next year when we're all eating pigeons we shot at the garbage dump for Thanksgiving, we're going to look back on that free turkey with regret.

The Art of War

Paintings from the combat zone are interesting and provocative, but scarce to come by. While looking on the blogs for information on the IZ, I came across Ramblings from a Painter. He works for the State Dept., and he posted one of his sketches. It looks like a Peruvian Triple Canopy guard at one of the checkpoints at the embassy:
Really captures the ambiance. I like it. A pleasant memento from an area of conflict.

Funny Lede of the Day: Obama Vows to Cut Back on Bad Programs

Obama might've gotten a customary fist bump for picking Gates as his SECDEF, but his economic policies are still sketchy. A lede in Politico summarizes the mass confusion behind how he's going to pay for all the things he promised:

President-elect Barack Obama is vowing to watch spending carefully even as he plans to push for a stimulus package of $500 billion or more.

The article expounds on Obama's rhetoric that he's going to cut "wasteful spending" and hold back "special interests", but never provides an example. Cruising over to the NYT, they can't even justify their guy's politician-like distractions:

Mr. Obama cited, as an example of the sort of cuts he expects Mr. Orszag and Mr. Nabors to find, a recent government report showing that farmers whose incomes exceeded $2.5 million had probably wrongly been paid some $49 million in government subsidies over a three-year period.

But he did not offer any other specific targets, and by itself, correcting the problem with the farm program would make only a trivially small dent in the budget deficits the federal government will face for years.

$49 million is no small chunk of change, but considering that Obama's entitlement obligations are wracking up well into the trillions, he's going to have to start slashing and burning government spending a little further.

The Obama T-shirts are still selling well amongst college students, perhaps the President-Elect's advisors can start selling this wardrobe for the coming hard times to generate a little revenue.
(x-posted at The Obacalypse)

Blogging To Be So Slowly Killed Off in WA State

End of an Era?

The editors of Reason wrote an article praising the libertarianism inherent in the aughts, calling the internet "a tax-free distributed network and alternative universe where individuals, usually without effective interference from government, can reshape their identities, transcend limitations of family, geography, and culture." The article also gives ample warning that the nature of the political beast is "the B.A. Baracus of American society, the last one through the door". Well it seems the A-team van of politics is crashing through the door in WA state. There's pressure from lobbyists to impose draconian restrictions on internet freedom in order to squash dissent. From the Seattle Times:

Lobbyist Steve Gano, who represents business clients in Olympia, said he's not troubled by activist bloggers who practice a form of journalism. But the increasing presence of Web-based advocacy groups are a different story, he said.

If an online group doesn't have to report the type of activities that would otherwise be considered lobbying, Gano asked, why shouldn't lobbyists just close up shop and relaunch their efforts online?

Steve Gano represents a host of big business interests, and the perceived "chatter" from people without ties to elite institutions must threaten his livelihood. This tactic was tried before when there was discussion in the FEC to impose restrictions on politically-themed mega-blogs Daily Kos and Red State. Most people who blog, comment, or lurk are average schmoes who can finally take what they've been talking about at the dinner table to a wide-scale audience (at low cost). A true Vox Populi. It really has been a boon to our democratic process that regular people can access information and delve into the policies affecting our world. This might shake up the ruling class that has traditionally run our society, because it's best if we shut our yaps, pay taxes, and quietly die off on the Social Security dole. Expect threats to this newfound availbility to information to come from those that seek to keep their stranglehold on power.

Gates to Stay SECDEF

Hippies Sad that Secretary of Defense Not Brought Up on War Crimes

Politico and Mudville Gazette have the latest leak from the Obama transition team, and this time it's actually some good news:

Defense Secretary Robert Gates has agreed to stay on under President-elect Barack Obama, according to officials in both parties. Obama plans to announce a national-security team early next week that includes Gates at the Pentagon and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) as secretary of state, officials said.

The current SECDEF, Robert Gates, has been hailed as competently running our counterinsurgency conflicts in both Iraq and Afghanistan. The loudest opposition has been from the anti-war fanatics in Code Pink, who could not be reached for comment at this time, since they are busy committing treason in Iran. The other reason for opposition seems to be that putting a Republican in charge of the DoD will show that Democrats are weak on national security. From Open Left:

Further, keeping Gates on would only worsen Democratic image problems on national security, as he would be the second consecutive non-Democratic Secretary of Defense nominated by a Democratic President. The message would be clear: even Democrats agree that Democrats can't run the military.

For the record, Gates is a registered Independent, and I'd wager most Americans are more interested in successfully stabilizing Iraq and Afghanistan than the John Wayne-like branding of the Democratic party.

Puppies always leave.

This is a puppy I briefly housed at Fuck You, Penguin headquarters. Her name was Lexington, she peed on my bed, chewed a hole in my shower curtain, and licked my face when I wasn't looking. I loved her so.

But then she left me when her old family came back from vacation. And that's fine. Because you know what, Puppy? I have met another puppy since you've been gone. Actually, I've met a large number of puppies. And I've played with all of them. Sometimes more than one at the same time. In fact, just the other day I was cuddling with a puppy, thinking "This is so much better than that time I was cuddling with Lexi. Thank goodness she gave me back my freedom."

I've moved on, Puppy. I've grown. I'm no longer that same inexperienced puppysitter you met on that warm August day. So don't come crawling back to me, Puppy. Don't even fucking think about it.

Unless you want to. Then I'm sure we can work something out.

How come there is only one set of footprints, huh?

Okay, you're little, you've got soft pretty feathers, and there's a small little drop of water perched at the end of your beak. But guess what, Duck? YOUR GOD HAS DESERTED YOU. Ponder that, bitch.

Shaq's Week-Long Twitter Session

Shaq started Twittering last week when he found out a phony Shaq was on the loose besmirching his good name. The modern day Renaissance Man continues to prove that he is the jack of all trades in one-line Twitter format.

Shaq the Comedian: Im wearing a jacket dat says 1946, a lady asked me wat it means, i replied, mam its the yr i was born. Lol

Shaq the Philanthropist: I called my main man figs son bcuz da xcellence of a gift lies n its approiateness ratha than its value

Shaq the Muckraker: Does anyone have the names of the 14 people bush gave pardons

Shaq the Criminal Justice Expert: Detective oneal does not jordan vander sloots story about what happened to natalee

Shaq the Chiropractor: I get my neck cracked b4 everygame, today i felt a xtra clikadee clak

Shaq the Spartan: On my way 2 da arena. I feel like the main charachter n da movie 300

At least Shaq is not going to get slapped for being a smug and elitist web personality. He responds to a lot of his Twitter followers, and with that same one-line wit like "@phoenixsunsgirl i'm a vampire i neva sleep shaqula". Well, it's a lot more insightful than that stupid McCain/Obama staff Twitter debate.

Underneath the SOFA Cushions

A ruckus broke out in Iraqi Parliament on 19 November when they were debating the Status of Forces Agreement (SOFA), mostly instigated by the Sadrists (seen in the abayas). The NY Times Baghdad Bureau has some insight on why the debate is so heated:

During one of the debates a Sadrist asked: ‘are there any guarantees that the Americans will not use Iraqi land to attack Islamic and neighboring countries?’ But the agreement clearly says: ‘Iraqi land, sea, and air shall not be used as a launching or transit point for attacks against other countries.’

The opponents of the agreement are using this big national issue to blackmail the government, and they are forgetting their duty to their voters.

For example, during the last five years they spent all the time raising their slogans to request the Americans’ withdrawal. They said they would accept any schedule for withdrawal, even if it takes 10 years. Now this agreement will give them guarantees to withdraw completely in the next three years. But they reject it because they will have no excuse left to toy with the government, and with their voters.

Some of them try to use our religion to convince their voters that this agreement will make Iraq submit to the Americans, and they use people’s ignorance about what exactly this agreement includes to make them support their party’s position.

It almost seems like the Sadrists are taking part in the anti-foreigner show for the cameras to appease their Shi'ite voting bloc, and Spencer Ackerman explores how a confirmed withdrawal date for Coalition Forces will further weaken Sadr and his followers political positioning. The SOFA sounds like a good compromise to eventually get our troops home and leave the Iraqi Security Forces in decent shape. But anytime there is political turmoil or elections in Iraq, there seems to be a spate of violence to accompany it. It's politics by other means, and, like Joe, the reason I'm hesitant to support Victory in Iraq day at this time.

Uncle Sugar's Money Dump at Citifield

It wasn't long ago that sports arenas were named after great heroes instead of lame corporations on the verge of bankruptcy. Take Joe Louis arena in Detroit, which is named after the badass American boxer who struck one of the first Allied blows against the Nazis in 1938. The Red Wings still play there, but most large cities are cursed with tax-funded monstrosities that reek of shameless corporate branding like a Costco-sponsored Blink 182 concert. Ed Morrisey has a list of the offenders. But, at least you used to be able to say that it was driving down ticket costs as you stared at a basketball court adorned in trashy advertising.

That's not the case anymore, as the $20B the feds just dumped on Citigroup will help pay to keep their name on the new stadium for the NY Mets. From ABC:

Struggling Citibank just sealed a multi-billion-dollar emergency "backstop" deal with the U.S. government. The financial behemoth, suffering with billions in bad mortgage-related assets on its books, recently shed 53,000 workers and saw its stock price lose over half its value. Yet it's in a 20-year contract to pay the New York Mets $400 million to name the team's new stadium "Citi Field."

That's right, $400M of that $20B is going to pay for New Yorkers to understand irony better, I guess. I suggest the name "Uncle Sugar's Money Dump", because it will be a lesson for our nation on the kind of society you get for handing out billions of dollars to incompetent companies with no accountability. Is there anyone that still thinks this bailout is a good idea? Even with $7.4 Trillion in loans that the federal government has promised to disburse?!? It's okay if you once supported these ridiculous cash injections, just listen to Dierks Bentley's "What Was I Thinking?" and vote smarter next time.

Breitbart's Plan for the GOP: More Babes

Amidst lolly-gagging by the unattractive squares who run the GOP, Andrew Breitbart has an idea from babe central, Los Angeles, that the party should utilize sex appeal from the young and beautiful. From the Washington Times (h/t Libertarian-Republican):

With the economy in the pits, the young, the restless and unapologetically handsome should use their looks, vigor and Internet knowledge to wrest away elective office from joyless bureaucrats who gallingly repackaged the soiled utopian promises of their overly replayed Woodstock days as "hope" and "change."

Those young adults who weren't duped this time around can be at the forefront of cluing in their friends that were. In Facebook I trust.

The Gutfeld/Breitbart conservatism brand of small-government/big-defense/pro-good times could take off if the Obama presidency crashes and burns. After all, Palin's babeness, according to the commentariat on this blog, helped propel her to #1 conservative of the year (it certainly wasn't her knowledge of foreign policy). But for everyone who tries to put a Hooters-like brand on the GOP, you'll get two or three girdle-wearing Huckabees saying Thou Shall Not Support Gay Marriage. We'll see what happens in the future. In the meantime, it's just easier to criticize Obama than to try and find a new vision for the sodomized corpse of the Republican Party.

Why is the President-Elect Reading Your Embarrassing Diary From Middle School?

Find out why at The Obacalypse. You can't make this stuff up.

Ponies try too hard

Honestly, Pony, I don't know what little girls see in you. You just seem like a donkey that needs a haircut. I have no interest in including you on Fuck You, Penguin - wait. Is that a dog? Is there a dog riding you? ARE YOU THAT FUCKING DESPERATE, PONY.

Fine, here's your goddamned post. But don't come crying to me when that dog expects 50% of the credit.

Be a Cool Kid, Follow This Blog

There's strength in numbers, and it's a rough world out there, so follow this blog and prevent yourself from getting shanked by the mean people out there in the blogosphere. Technically, I'm not really sure what "following" does, except the blogs show up in your blogger profile. But I added a widget on the sidebar so your avatar will be forever associated with this wretched cesspool. Cheers!

Drug Warriors Holder and Rambo: Fighting the Wrong War At the Wrong Time

Obama's top pick for Attorney General, Eric Holder, has been going through the wringer for the Marc Rich pardon and the Elian Gonzalez debacle during his Clinton daze. But, the only major media publication that has been grilling him on his failed drug policies are those pesky libertarians at Reason. How far did he go with national drug policy? He coerced the city of Washington D.C. to "get tough" on that great scourge of our society, marijuana. From a 1996 Washington Post article (h/t Eric):

In addition, U.S. Attorney Eric H. Holder Jr. said in an interview that he is considering not only prosecuting more marijuana cases but also asking the D.C. Council to enact stiffer penalties for the sale and use of marijuana.

"We have too long taken the view that what we would term to be minor crimes are not important," Holder said, referring to current attitudes toward marijuana use and other offenses such as panhandling.

Ever since Richard Nixon declared the War on Drugs, we have seen the explosion of meth and crack, continuous erosion of our civil liberties, and a string of lousy federally-funded PSAs of McGruff jamming out to 80s music. Our War on Drugs goal has even hampered the fight against terrorism as President Bush actually gave the Taliban federal aid to halt heroin traffic prior to 9/11. Don't expect Obama's pick for Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, to distinguish between the high-priority War on Terror as opposed to the War on Pink Floyd as evidenced to a press release he issued back in 2006:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Rahm Emanuel released the following statement in response to reports that Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez’ called the war on terror a real war, not like the war on drugs.

“Thanks for the white flag. From the United States’ most senior law enforcement official, the man who should be leading the war on drugs, this white flag of surrender will not be reassuring to the millions of parents trying to protect their kids.”

To help out Obama's Chief of Staff, here's a couple of photos to emphasize the priorities based on the current threats to our democratic society.

Islamic Terrorists, seeks to wipe out Western civilization, a high-priority

Marijuana Users, seek to eat a whole bag of Doritos while watching Scooby-Doo, a low-priority

Thai General Re-assigned to Lord of the Dance

A Thai General, who made threats against protesters staging a sit-in at the Prime Minister's office, has been re-assigned to being in charge of Aerobics. From Breitbart:

An army spokesman said that Khatiya, who has written books about his combat exploits, had been appointed by army chief General Anupong Paojinda to lead the military's health club promotion task force.

Khatiya, who is under investigation on disciplinary charges, told newspapers that his new posting was "ridiculous".

"The army chief wants me to be a presenter leading aerobic dancers. I have prepared one dance. It's called the throwing-a-hand-grenade dance," the Bangkok Post quoted Khatiya as saying.

The "throwing-a-hand-grenade" comment was ill-advised, as protesters have been targeted with a grenade attack last month and today. The People's Alliance for Democracy is trying to oust the current Prime Minister because he is viewed as a puppet of the previous corrupt Prime Minister, who got booted by a military coup in 2006. No word yet if Olivia Newton-John was on hand to offer her expertise to the General.

Llamas will break your heart without so much as a "My bad"

So here I am looking at pictures of llamas online, because who doesn't love llamas, right? (Penguins, those jealous fucks.) And what do I come across but an article about this older llama that died in 2006, making the zoo where it was very sad. The llama's name was Chief, and it had a severe colic reaction, WHICH TOTALLY FUCKING RUINED MY SUNDAY.

At least move back to Peru or something, so we can imagine you frolicking forever. Funny looking mouths come with a responsibility to not play with our emotions.

So thanks a lot, Llama, you heartless fucking bastard.

Death Metal Has Paid Its Dues

Wek has a post about the importance of Death Metal to Generation X culture and its origin in Florida. Of Morbid Angel, he says:

Death Metal filled a canyon sized void in hard music at the time. Hair Metal owned the airwaves for most of the 80's, Metallica torched their head-banging fans by giving us ballads and Seattle bands made guitarists ashamed for knowing scales. These Floridians couldn't be bothered with what was popular, they just wanted to bust ear drums and shred.

This is much better than whatever is passing for music these days. Check out this latest POS from Hot Chicks with Douchebags:
Land Rovers, Bleached Blonde Emo Hair, and a pig costume. What the hell is matter with you kids.

Unashamed Fatsos to Get 2 Airline Seats For the Price of 1

Being such a grotesque lardass that you would require two coach seats is a lifestyle decision, and therefore, fatitude is an open grounds for ridicule. Society is not expected to pay for a dozen extra big macs to shovel in their face, wheelbarrow replacements every quarter to get them from point A to point B, and a wardrobe consisting of moo-moos, so why would we have to pay for additional airline seats? Apparently, the Supreme Court of Canada says thinner consumers all have to bear the "hefty" cost of transporting the obese. From Reuters:

Obese people have the right to two seats for the price of one on flights within Canada, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Thursday.

The high court declined to hear an appeal by Canadian airlines of a decision by the Canadian Transportation Agency that people who are "functionally disabled by obesity" deserve to have two seats for one fare.

On the bright side, collectively chipping in so that a triple-rolled forearm isn't drooping over the copy of Newsweek on your lap might be a good investment.

And the Mother of the Year Award Goes to...

It's often joked about amongst military personnel that their wife will try and kill them to get at their massive $400K SGLI life insurance policy. This is the first time I've heard of it actually being attempted. From Seattle P-I:

An Army wife accused of setting her apartment on fire botched an attempt to collect on her husband's $400,000 insurance policy when he survived and her two children died instead, a federal prosecutor said.

Billi Jo Smallwood, 35, was denied bond at a Friday hearing in northeast Georgia, where she appeared on federal charges of damaging government property by fire.

"She set fire to her own home in hopes of killing her husband and wound up killing her kids," Assistant U.S. Attorney Stephanie Gabay-Smith said.

Damn, that's messed up. At least the lady who drowned her five kids in the bathtub could blame her psychosis on a momentary rush of Post-Partum. And when I say "blamed", I mean about a 50,000 Volt difference in the judge's sentencing decision if you catch my drift...bzzzz, sizzle.

Late Nite Tunes: Social Distortion - Another State of Mind

Hopefully you all are enjoying the weekend in "Another State of Mind", just not operating a vehicle or heavy machinery, of course. Here's a pin-up babe for the road from Viva's Gallery by way of the great site Porn for Troops.

Iraqi Terp Speaks About the Mask Ban

(pic from The Guardian)

Last week we got news that one of our most important allies on the battlefield, Iraqi interpreters, were being forced to lose their identity-concealing mask for "professionalism" reasons. Like any thoroughly lousy idea (think Joe Biden's "Plan for Iraq"), it got vocal opposition from a wide range of people like The Captain's Journal, Brandon Friedman, and Some Soldier's Mom. But what do the Iraqis have to say about all this? Turns out an Iraqi Interpreter spoke against this policy last month (h/t Mad Tom):

They issued a new rule say:

NO MORE MASK FOR IRAQI INTERPRETERS.

It's like they want to say :

HEY IRAQI PEOPLE...HERE THEY ARE...THE IRAQI INTERPRETERS...NOW YOU GET CHANCE TO SEE THEIR FACES...DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO OF THEM,KILL THEM,TOURTURE THEM, WE DON'T CARE.

Yes, that was the truth, and I challenge any body has ability to give me another reason that make this commander took decision such this.

I guess he thinks that looking "professional" takes a back seat on the priority list to threats against his life. Who would've thought!

Code Pink Blogs From Iran About Its Great Fundamentalist Regime

Code Pink to get tips on sharpening their anti-American rhetoric in Tehran

They may have packed up shop from protesting our troops in Berkeley, but the women you love to hate at Code Pink have taken their clown show to the streets of Iran. A blog post from the group's website indicates they are cruising around on some sort of "peace delegation" and getting fed a line of bullshit from puppets of the atrocious Iranian regime. From the Code Pink blog:

After a hearty Iranian breakfast that included delicious tomatoes, cucumbers, fresh eggs, cheese, yoghurt, flat bread and mouth-watering olives, the “work day” began for the three of us—myself, CODEPINK cofounder Jodie Evans and Col. Ann Wright. Our first meeting was with our dear friend Rostam Pourzal, who works with the anti-sanctions group CASMI. Rostam used to live in Washington DC, but moved back to Iran recently. Thank goodness he came to greet us, because it turned out that the government person who was supposed to set up our schedule today didn’t show up. So Rostam filled in the day for us with an amazing variety of activities and meetings.

Rostam Pourzal is an apologist for the theocracy on staff at the Campaign Against Iranian Sanctions who wrote an article on mass murderer Ahmadinejad's rise to power as "Not that Bad". He also has criticized human rights activists who speak out against abuses by the Iranian regime, and even gave $2,300 to the failed presidential campaign of perennial peace wacko, Dennis Kucinich. While being led around this ridiculous propaganda tour, Code Pink swung by the abandoned American embassy:

Then we went to his office, but along the way he stopped to show us the old, abandoned U.S. Embassy. It is now surrounded by murals with anti-American slogans—a stark reminder of the harsh rhetoric emanating from both governments.

It's a real shocker, I know, that the site where 52 American hostages were captured might have a touch of "anti-American" feel to it. Code Pink then goes on their little escapade to talk to Iranians about their government, and are surprised that they don't like a brutally oppressive regime that has driven the country's economy into the ground:

People in Iraq were afraid to speak out against Saddam, people in Iran aren’t. We heard criticism of the government while we were still on the plane. Then in customs, when an official asked our guide why we had come to Iran and she replied “trying to make peace,” he laughed and said, “Not with this terrible government of ours.” The taxi drivers complain; western-educated elites complain, businessmen complain. While most wouldn’t want to be filmed venting against their government, they talk to us in an amazingly open fashion, barely looking over their shoulders to see if anyone is listening.

I'm sure Medea Benjamin and Jodie Evans will have no qualms signing these people's death warrants by turning in these malcontents to the Iranian authorities. On the plus side, maybe the Code Pink leadership will decide to stay over there and not come back.

Huffington Post Empire To Spread Its Tentacles Further

Independent Bloggers Taking on Arianna "Mother Brain" Huffington

It's sites like The Huffington Post that make me long for the bad-old-days of the internet, circa 1999, with failed start-ups producing zero profit who ran stupid blinking banner ads and pop-ups everywhere you surfed for your evening porn. Ironically, the dreaded Huffington Post had help getting launched in 2005 by Hollywood conservative and all-around good guy Andrew Breitbart, but this liberal beast of a site (#1 blog according to Technorati) has transformed into a Leviathan and produced enough wretched dotsam and netsam to clog up the innertubes worse than a Britney Spears twat shot.

Sure, there are a few decent archived bits there, notably from veterans Rieckhoff and Soltz, plus some hilarious commentary from Greg Gutfeld, but they are the exceptions not the rule. Time after time again, Arianna Huffington has been disastrously wrong about the War in Iraq. The guest posts are chocked full of morans, including agitating that Bush has already declared martial law and why billions in bailout money needs to go to fund Neil Young's electric car company. Other postings include anti-semitic commentary, that isn't even grammatically correct, from imbecile celebrities like Roseanne Barr, and Clinton flaks referring to our President-Elect as "boy" during the primaries.

You'd think this would be enough to sink a political blog's credibility faster than Larry Johnson and his crazy rumor about the "Michelle O Whitey Tape", but Arianna just keeps raking in the dough. From the London Times:

Arianna Huffington looks set to cement her position as the Queen of Capitol Hill in the next few days.

The Times has learnt that the Huffington Post, her influential political website, will confirm within the next week that it has completed a $15 million (£10 million) fundraising from investors.

The money will finance the expansion of HuffPo, as it is known, into the provision of local news across the United States and into more investigative journalism. And it will ensure that Ms Huffington's influence continues to spread across the US political scene.

Dear god, why do you internet people have no taste? Seeing how Arianna is nothing more than a shameless PR shill for the incoming administration, perhaps people will get tired of being force-fed kool-aid and seek commentary elsewhere. Don't give up hope and meticulously plan your apocalypse fantasy just yet.

Obama's Job Program

Read all about it at The Obacalypse.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Expect Shit From the New Administration

Obama Turn his Back on the LGBT community

Despite making a campaign promise to repeal the 15-year long policy of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in the military to allow homosexuals to serve openly, it's not going away in the near future. As co-blogger Jonn writes at The Obacalypse:

So far Obama has tossed the anti-war crowd and women aside and now the gays. I guess the "95% of Americans will get tax cuts" is next. Who would have thought that he's just another Democrat politician who thinks it's fine to ignore campaign promises.

Personally, I'm opposed to DADT for two reasons. One is that the arguments pushed for by June Cleaver-like culture warriors, such as Elaine Donnelly, about homosexuals spreading their "Teh Ghey" all over the place in close-quarters if they are allowed to come out of the closet is dumb. Speaking from personal experience on a sub, there are no secrets after weeks stuck in a tube with a bunch of other dudes, and whether or not someone can "legally" be permitted to say "Guess what, I'm Gay!" isn't going to come as a big surprise at the unit-level. Two, is that it has a counter-recruitment effect at colleges like Columbia, that continues to bar ROTC from campus since they perceive the military as hostile to homosexuals (the fact that the Federal Government sets this policy for the military seems to be lost on them).

But, that's neither her nor there, the point is that Obama isn't even in office yet and he's already scrapping the promises he made. Under the bus, indeed. Maybe he'll just gut the whole military instead of trying to reform it.

Sneaky hedgehogs want it both ways

Just because you have your mouth opened like that doesn't mean I can't see those giant needles on your entire body ready to impale me, Hedgehog. You think I'm afraid, but I also don't want to hurt you because you're too cute, right? Well, you know what, Hedgehog? You cross me, in ANY way, and I WILL NOT HESITATE TO DESTROY YOU. Believe that, Hedgehog. Now watch your fucking step.

Stench of War Protesters May Be Lingering For Awhile

According to Jonn writing at The Obacalypse, some anti-war groups are not happy with "Barack the Hawk", so expect them to be lingering around for the next 4 years. That's okay though. Besides feeling better about yourself when you see unemployed hippies parading around in costumes, we will be treated to more excellent videos like this 2004 gem called "Weapons of Mass Affection":

The Rise of Trojan Horse Politics

Easily Fooled Citizens Dragging in the Horse That Will Be Their Demise

The Soros-funded Center for American Progress has been a huge advocate of regulating free speech in their favor via legislation and policy. One example of this brand of regulation is the wretched Fairness Doctrine, which, luckily, went tits up on the house floor last year. If it had passed, you would have to be listening to Praise for Dear Leader on the TV/Radio/Paper, and not just the TV/Paper. So the wonks are trying to find new clever ways to silence the opposition. On the think-tanks website, one of the "Top Features" is an article about the "imbalance of political talk radio", where they desire leveling the playing field by a concept known as "localism", which means you grant "friendly" broadcasters access to the airwaves while imposing heaping mounds of regulations on those nasty wingnuts. Even though it is painfully obvious that this progressive think-tank wants to crush dissenting voices of the mostly conservative airwaves, one of their employees says we're all crazy for thinking it's a return to The Fairness Doctrine! From Yglesias at Think Progress (the blog for the CAP):

Marin Cogan has a great piece on the right-wing’s mobilization against the phantom menace of the fairness doctrine...It’s very strange. Political movements mischaracterize the other side’s general goals all the time. But I’ve never heard of anything like the current conservative mania for blocking a particular legislative provision that nobody is trying to enact.

A phantom menace? It doesn't take a tin-foil hat to be concerned with Obama hiring the head of the Center for American Progress as a leader in his transition battalion, and the case for more regulations of free speech still being up on the CAP website. The fact that a writer employed by the same think-tank calling us Cassandras for dreaming up conspiracies of the collapse of the 1st Amendment is creepy. Just like all this newfound outreach of hugs n' kisses from the left, it seems to be a big ruse to float a bunch of turds through congress while we're off getting shitfaced like Troy.